Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue
by KismetDoll
Summary: [AkuRoku][SoRiku] Life's giving me enough crap, thanks to some unwanted feelings for my best friend. Throw two blue eyed twins into the mix and well...you get the idea. Nothin' like a little healthy competition and disorderly conduct to make my day. [AU]
1. Freshman Folly

Title: Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue  
Series: Kingdom Hearts II  
Author: ConfessYourSins  
Rating: PG-13  
Main Characters: Axel, Roxas, Riku, Sora  
Warnings: Language, some sexual innuendos, and boys loving boys  
Pairings: AkuRoku, RikuSora  
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts II or the characters in it.

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**Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue**

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Chapter One  
_Freshman Folly_**  
Axel

At some point I figured Riku would get back to normal, but in three years, he still hasn't. It was my fault to begin with, leading him on like that – wait, no, not leading him on. I genuinely wanted him, I wanted him _so bad,_ and I waited six months for him.

And then I had him, and then I messed it all up.

It wasn't so much my fault, really. I mean, we _were _the only gay people at school. At an all boy, boarding, Catholic school… blech. I mean, shit man, what were we _supposed_ to _do?_

…Oh, bad pun.

Anyway, sometimes, I still see him giving me these looks like he's thinking back to freshman year when we were still kids and were In Love. Yeah, In Love, with capital freaking letters. I love him now, and I loved him then. But man, was I – sorry, _am I _– bad for that guy. I could never love him the way he deserves, and it sounds so fucking _noble _of me to say it like that, but I quite fucking – sorry, freaking – literally took his heart in my hand and squashed it like a bug.

Or a beer can; I think I like the beer can analogy better.

So he just kinda looks at me like he misses me even though I'm right here and I have to admit, I miss him too. A lot, actually. But it would never work, and he knows it, and I know it, and I already fucked up, anyway, so what's a guy to do?

"I thought I was thinking hard, but I think you're thinking harder."

I blink and stare at Riku. Again, apparently, since I was already staring. "What? Oh, heh, not really thinking. Just dazing. Yanno." I lean back in the swivel chair that used to be Riku's, which I completely stole from him, and grin from ear to ear. "What were _you _thinking about?"

He thinks for a second, then shrugs and returns to staring at the ceiling while lying on the bed. He's so cute it makes me sick; man, and that's coming from me. And I am hot. I'm _flaming._

That time, the pun _was _intended.

"It's our senior year. Next year we'll be at different colleges with new friends. It just makes me sad to know that this is the last year I'll be sharing a room with you."

"Nah. We're friends til the end, man." I flash him a toothy smile and give him a thumbs up. "Right?"

Riku nods but continues to stare at the ceiling. "School starts tomorrow. All new freshman, again." He sounds odd, even for Riku.

"Hey, you okay man?" I spin around in the swivel chair once for fun then stand up and walk over to his bed. "Wanna… yanno, like, _talk _about it?"

I sound weird, even to myself, and Riku can't help but grin. Yeah, me, _talk_ about it? I'm so bad at that stuff. He thinks it's hilarious when I try and be all nice and concerned. I'm just not so good at that stuff. I guess that was the problem to begin with.

He never complained once about me, and that was a feat in and of itself. Still is; he just keeps quiet and broods but never says anything, 'cause he's Riku and that's just the way he rolls. He's quite fucking amazing.

Makes me wanna find him a nice guy – a _good _guy – but I don't really think he'd like me prying. It's just a little nosy, and other than me, I don't know what kind of guys he likes. And I don't even count anymore, since there's nothing between us. Best friends forever, gay as that sounds – damn, I need to stop with the bad unintended puns – and that's how it's gonna be.

"Not really. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Do you mind hitting the lights?"

I nod and stand up. I walk to the light and just as I'm about to turn it off I joke, "Don't you wanna take your clothes off?"

I barely manage to dodge the pillow that flies my way.

… But I don't manage to dodge the book. Right in the chest, too. I fall back against the door and groan as I slide down it onto the floor. Fucker. I will _destroy_ him

Riku sits up and looks over at me, eyes mock wide. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were _faster _than that_."_

He is so dead.

I half-crawl, half-stumble over to him and take the pillow he holds up away from him, then attempt to smother him with it. "Take it back, you sick fuck, or I will _kill you and_ _all those that you love!_"I scream at him as he tries to kick me away. Even though he plays rugby, I am still taller and thus stronger. And more beautiful. Way more beautiful. I think.

Maybe I should take a poll. Polls are pretty accurate, in my opinion. I'll just survey all the people that love me more than they love him. Hah. That'll teach him.

"Axel! Shit! Get _off _of me_!"_ Riku shouts as he manages to grab my hair and tug on it. I yelp and stop shoving the pillow down his throat. He lets go, then smacks me in the side of the head. "For the love of _God, _if you _ever _do that again I will fucking_ kill _you!"

Aww, he's mad. He's so cute when he's mad! "But you started it," I whine as I try not to grin. It doesn't work, and I get another smack in the head. "Aww, shit," I groan as I rub my head, then punch him in the shoulder. "You're too violent for me."

"_Me? I'm_ too violent for _you?" _he yells into my ear. I wince and stand up, backing away. He's going to rant now. He always does whenever I say stupid shit like that. It's like a goddamned curse.

"Riku, I was just _kidding," _I say, holding my hands out to either side with a little shrug. "Yanno, a joke?"

Nope, he doesn't bite. "Of all the people in the world to complain about violence, especially _unnecessary _violenceyou should be the one to talk. Every day, it's another ridiculous stunt of yours, on me or the whole damn school, and you wanna call _me _violent? You should take a lesson in humility, or… or…"

Oh, thank God, he's run out of big words that I don't understand. What the fuck is _humility? _I think he just made that one up. "Or what?" I hop from one foot to the next then back into the chair. "You should totally go to sleep now before you say something you'll regret, Riku."

He sneers and rolls over in the bed, ignoring me. Ah, another typical night with Riku. I hope he doesn't kill or smother me while I sleep. But wouldn't that be so typical?

* * *

I wake up to Riku's alarm going off. Not mine, because I don't have one. Life should be lived in the moment, not by a damned clock. Time's all relative, anyway. That's just my way of saying, albeit very elegantly, that I am always late. _Always._

Riku's already dressed. Must be the second alarm, then. He turns around as he feeds his belt into the loops on his pants.

On a side note, our uniforms rock. Of all the school uniforms we _could _have hadwe got the best ones. Any type of nice white shirt, polo or button-up, and a choice of navy shorts or navy slacks. Plus, for all of those boys who like stupid sweater vests, they offer those with the school logo, or a navy blazer. Whatever you prefer.

Riku likes emotastic tight navy slacks – how they're slacks when they're pretty tight is beyond me – and a well fitted polo with the collar popped. Yeah, he's trendy like that. I think that's in right now, anyway. His belt's always the same, a black and white checkered one with a silver buckle that's past faded now. Same once since freshman year. Oh, and black chucks. We don't have to wear dress shoes. Kick _ass._

He finishes feeding the belt through, then tightens it and looks over at me. "You should get up. Breakfast ends in fifteen minutes."

Crap. I don't eat breakfast, but I like juice. Orange juice is the best, or pineapple orange. I have a bit of a sweet tooth. I groan and roll out of bed, feet first, and rub my eyes.

Before he can say another word about hurrying up, I raise my hand and nod. "Yeah, I'm up. Gimme two minutes to put on my clothes."

"And your hair?" he jokes with a twinge of a smile pulling on his lips. I can feel my eye twitching with the urge to throw something. Something big and heavy, in particular. Like a desk.

"It's _fine. _Thanks, though. I know you're always looking out for _my _best interests," I mumble as I grab a pair of slacks out from under my bed. My pants are always wrinkled – so are my shirts, and so is my blazer. And tie. Yes, I wear a tie. It's a real one, too, because for whatever sick reason I like attempting to tie it, making Riku do it, and then ruining it just to make him do it again at lunch. It's like a little ritual at this point. He doesn't wear a tie, though; he thinks they're tacky.

I stand up and drop trou as Riku turns away. "Hurry up," he belts.

"Yeah yeah, gimme a minute." I pull them on, find a belt lying on the floor and put it through, then grab my shirt off the desk. I opt for a long sleeved button-up because it looks good with the tie. I roll the sleeves up a quarter of the way, then grab my blazer from the hook by my bed and wrap it around my waist.

After a quick look in the mirror to fix my already perfect hair – what the hell was he talking about, anyway? – I grab my messenger bag and put my hand on Riku's shoulder. "Okay, let's go."

We head to the cafeteria where everyone has happily congregated for the first day of classes. Demyx and Leon are already waiting for us and – thank the Lord – Leon has a glass of orange juice with my name on it. Literally. It says 'Axel' and it's all cute and red and has a twisty lid with a straw. Leon rocks.

"You look awake," he says as I sit down next to him and practically steal it from his hand. "Rough night?"

"Riku tried to kill me," I blurt before thinking. Here it comes: Riku's retort.

"_I _tried to kill _you? _You're the one who tried to smother me with a pillow!"

I grin and nod. "That's true. I did."

"Obviously didn't work," Leon points out and I laugh. Leon's freaking _hilarious. _In a not so obvious way, though. He's pretty quiet, but totally awesome. Plus, he doesn't care that we're gay. After me and Riku came out, a lot of the other students – mostly the jocks, go figure – made fun of us at first. But then after we kicked their asses they just stayed away.

Seifer started the most shit, 'specially with Riku. I just about ripped him a new one, but that was only _after _Riku did. I've never seen Riku so pissed since then. Nothing like a gay basher to start your day.

"Axel, you know Riku's not a morning person," Demyx points out as I sip the juice out of my sippy cup. "He needs coffee. And a donut."

"Bagel," Riku corrects. "I like _bagels."_

Demyx grins and shrugs. "Yeah, pastry-type-thing. Whatever."

Riku gets up to find coffee and a _bagel_ while I catch up with Leon. He didn't even get in until this morning, something about visiting an old friend. Leon and Demyx wear the usual school attire, navy slacks and white polo shirts. No ties. Again, I think ties rock. Everyone should wear them. Oh, crap…

I touch my chest and punch myself mentally. "Tie?" Leon asks as he arches a brow. I nod. "Go get it. We'll save your spot."

I stand up and sprint back to my room. After rummaging through some of my stuff, then some of Riku's stuff, then my stuff again, I finally find it hidden in one of my text books. Well, not quite _hidden. _Apparently my tie makes a very good bookmark.

Door locked and tie in hand, I set off down the hall to get back to the cafeteria. My juice is a'calling. I wave to a few friends, eyeball a few enemies, and just as I am about to walk into the cafeteria, someone runs into me. Hard. I fall sideways and grab the cafeteria door's metal bar to keep from falling over as the other guy hits the ground. Standing back up straight, I sigh. Mornings suck.

"Oww," the boys groans as he rubs his head. Man, and I thought _my _hair was ridiculous. This kid has hair sticking out in every direction, plus a few that don't have names yet. It kinda works though, for him. He looks up at me and my breath catches in my throat.

I've never seen eyes like his. They're not light, they're not dark – it's like a perfect combination of the two, only they're _blue_ and _amazing _and I don't even have words to describe them. Too bad he's got such a baby face. Kid's obviously a freshman, and my taste isn't really for younger kids. Or kids who literally _look _like kids. Guy looks like he's twelve.

"You okay?" I ask as I offer him a hand up. His smile could melt even Riku's heart, and that's an icy heart to melt. He nods and takes my hand, wobbling a little before regaining his composure. I let go of his hand and fold my arms over my chest as I give him a once-over.

He's wearing navy shorts and a white polo shirt along with a blazer. Regular tennis shoes, nothing fancy, and white ankle socks complete his outfit. Man, this kid is such a newbie. It's adorable. Makes me wanna just eat him up, then vomit. Yep. Adorable in that kinda sickly, cute, preppy boy way.

"I'm Sora!" he says, energetically extending a hand. I take it cautiously, shake it once, then return my hand to the folded-arms position. I must look mean and intimidating; I _am _one of the biggest bullies in the school. But for good reason, I must add. In my opinion.

"Axel. Freshman?"

"Yeah… Is it that obvious?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

Sora's big blue eyes look down at the floor for a second, then he perks up and smiles at me. Again. My knees wanna melt. God, this kid is like fucking _crack. _"I'm new. I was just trying to find the cafeteria before class starts. I woke up late…" he trails off and scratches the back of his head as he grins dumbly. "I guess I found you instead!"

I arch a brow and nod. "Yeah. Well, this _is _the cafeteria, but they're gonna close, so if you want food, I highly recommend getting it now." I turn and go inside, Sora trailing behind me. I sit down at the table while he wanders around for a second before finding the end of the short line. As I watch him, I can feel Leon's eyes on me.

"Can I help you with something?" I ask as I slowly turn to face him. Leon grins and shakes his head. "What?"

Riku sits back down with his coffee and bagel. Plain, always plain. How boring. He should use jelly, or jam, or preserves. Anything with sugar. "I hate waiting in line," he mumbles before he takes a sip of his coffee. "And I hate lukewarm coffee."

"Ah, but it _is _still coffee," I point out with a half-smile. "And that's all you need to start your day."

Riku nods as he takes a bite of his bagel. "What took you so long, anyway? Do you want me to do your tie?"

"Yep." I switch to the other side of the table and hand Riku my tie. "In advance, will you do it again at lunch?"

"Just a quickie?" he jokes and Demyx chokes on his muffin. "I was just kidding, Demyx," Riku adds quickly as he puts the tie around my neck. I stopped paying attention to how he does my ties ages ago; I figure he'll always be around to do them, so why bother?

Just as Riku finishes up I hear someone clear their throat. I look at Leon and Demyx, whose eyes have nearly fallen out of their heads looking to my left. I look and find that kid, Sora, standing next to me with a plate of food.

"Uh, 'sup?"

Sora smiles. "Um, I don't really know anyone here… Do you mind if I sit with you?" Riku practically sticks his whole bagel in his mouth while Demyx and Leon pretend to have a conversation. Son of a bitch.

It's his first day, so I'll be nice just this once. "Yeah, sure. Sit." I pat the spot next to me and Sora sets his tray down, then slides onto the bench. "Uh, guys, this is Sora. He's a freshman."

Demyx chuckles and Leon gives me a smirk. Man, they are going to give me so much shit for this later. "Uh, Sora, this is Leon, Demyx, and Riku."

"You're all… seniors?" he asks as he pours milk over his cereal. I nod. "Cool." He peels his banana and I am pretty sure Riku just choked on his bagel. My eyes glance in his direction as he's downing his coffee. Huh.

"You alright?" I whisper to him. He nods, but only focuses on his coffee. I look over at Leon, who is trying not to laugh. "Am I missing something?" I ask him. Leon shakes his head and Demyx shrugs.

"You're asking the wrong guy. But I'm gonna head to class before the first bell rings. You guys want me to save you spots for home room?"

"I'll go with you," Leon says as he stands up. "We'll save you guys spots. Don't take too long, though…" he trails off and gives Riku a funny look, then heads off with Demyx.

I finish my juice and stick the sippy cup in my messenger bag, then lay my head down on the table. It's metal, so it's nice and cold, but when it's winter there's nothing worse than getting shocked every time you move. Sora's happily chowing down on his cereal while Riku continues to be more than abnormally anti-social.

I nudge him and he shoots me a dirty look. "What's your deal?" I whisper, leaning in close to him. "Something wrong?"

"No."

Ooh, lies. Such lies! "Is it because he's a freshman?" I tease. Riku rolls his eyes and I nudge him again. "What's your deal, man?"

"Nothing," he grumbles and stands up. He leaves his food on the table and grabs his backpack, then walks away. Sheesh. How rude!

I turn my attention to Sora, who is watching Riku leave. He looks back at me with an innocent face. "Is he… mad at me? Did I do something wrong?" he asks. Aww, I just wanna pet him on his head and give him dog treats! Good boy, good boy!

"Nah. That's just how Riku is." I shrug and grin at Sora. "Well, I've gotta get to home room. I'll see you later." Ooh, mental kick in the head. Do not instigate a friendship; he might actually _want _to be friends, and seniors don't hang with freshman. Especially the school bully.

Sora grabs my wrist as I get up and I almost fall down. He's got a pretty firm grip for someone so small. I resist the urge to hit him with the back of my hand – it's a reflex, so sue me. "Yes?" I say as I lean down and try not to bite his head off. "Can I… _help_ you?"

"I don't know where my class is."

"Uh huh…"

"Will you show me where to go? Please?" And he looks up at me with those big blue eyes and I curse myself for not offering sooner. How could anyone turn down that pretty face? Ugh, I'm gonna vomit. This kid is freaking adorable and he obviously knows it. Bastard. He's not even my typeand I'm bending over backwards for him.

… Goddammit with the bad puns.

I pull my hand away and head for the cafeteria doors. "C'mon. I'll take you to freshman home room, but don't think that this makes us friends."

"Okay!"

God, kill me. In nominis Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

Ah, lunch. "Quid facit hodie?" I hear someone shout. What the hell? No _rational person _would speak Latin outside of class. I turn around, and sure enough, it's Sora running toward me. Goddammit.

"Uh, hey," I say with a brief and awkward wave. Paranoid? Yes, I am. I have a reputation to keep. I worked three years for it, and this kid ain't gonna ruin it. Not if I have anything to do with it!

"We have the same lunch. Wanna get something to eat?"

Eat? Yeah, I'd love some food. Food also costs money, something I don't have much of. See, I'm on an athletic scholarship for soccer, so other than base tuition and board, I'm a little short on the moolah. Sucks being on your own…

"Hey, it's my treat! For helping me find my home room!" I try not to look at his smile, but it's too late, and I find myself agreeing to let him buy me lunch. Damn. That means he's gonna sit with us, and then I'll look like a loser. Oh well. Free food _is _hard to turn down.

We get into line, but I can already see Leon and Demyx eyeing me from the table. Leon can't help but smirk and I stick my tongue out at him while Sora's busy admiring my tie. Leon rolls his eyes, and when I turn back to look at Sora – which is actually looking down, since the kid's over a head shorter than I am – he's more than intimately inside my personal bubble.

"Hey hey _hey!" _I hiss as I swat him away hurriedly. It's too late; I can hear Demyx and Leon laughing from the table, so I keep my back to them. "Personal space, kid." He's still holding onto my tie and I pull it out of his hands slowly. "Got it memorized?"

Sora grins and nods. "Yeah, I got it memorized." He seems to like my catch phrase. I do have to admit, it's a pretty good one. It may just be my best, but I don't like to brag. Not a lot, anyway. Sora tugs on my sleeve and I look back down.

"What?"

"What do you want to eat?"

"Uh, orange juice."

I know, I know. Baby blue eyes is offering to pay for my lunch and I want juice? But I feel bad, having him pay. I can pay for myself, and that means I get juice. Orange juice.

"That's it?"

I shrug. "Orange _pineapple _juice?"

"Aren't you hungry? People who play sports have faster metabolisms than people who don't, plus you're really tall. You should eat food. I love food!" He continues on about his love of food while I manage to catch a glimpse of Riku. He's already gotten his lunch and just sat down with Demyx and Leon. He looks like he's in a better mood now than before, at least.

"So how about pizza? Or a sandwich?"

"Wha? … Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever. Go for it." I wave my hand at him as he grabs an armful of food and dumps it onto his tray. Jeez. What a pig. "Turn around, fucker," I mumble to myself.

"Who? Me?" And then Sora pops up in front of me like he's a freaking rabbit out of a magic hat and I yelp. Yeah, I yelp. Not scream, not shout, not grunt, I fucking _yelp. _To make matters worse, at that very moment Riku just happened to turn around and now there's this stupid grin on his face that's just pissing me off _so bad, _but I _was _the one who just screamed like a little girl. Kinda. I yelped.

"No!"

"Oh. Okay. I got your juice!" Sora smiles for about the millionth time today and I am pretty sure his pearly white teeth just sparkled at me. Yes, they _sparkled._ Holy crap, he's like a living, breathing cartoon!

I chuckle nervously and nod my head. "Yeah, great. Are we done?"

"Uh huh. I'm gonna go pay." Sora heads to the register to pay for the food while I mosey on over to the table, hoping no one's in the mood to crack jokes.

"So how's your _boyfriend?" _Demyx jokes. Dammit. "Isn't he a little young for you? Ooh, I bet he's a _virgin!"  
_

"Leave him alone, Demyx," Riku growls. He looks up at me and winks. "Sit down before I change my mind."

Whoa, Riku's being nice. Weird. Really nice. That only means that he's really mad. I shake my head and opt to sit next to Leon. Again. He's safe.

"I'll take my chances over here where you won't strangle me or castrate me under the table," I say while shooting him a dirty look. "You're only _nice _when you're really mad. So whatever it is you're pissed about, totally sorry, don't kill me, yada yada yada."

Sora sits down next to Riku and sets the tray in the middle of the table so we can both reach it – or at least that's what I assume. "Hello again," he says cheerfully as he grabs a piece of cheese pizza off the tray.

Leon pinches me and I jump, suddenly sitting up straight. "What?" I whine in his ear as Sora chows down. "He's like World of Warcraft! No matter how much I try to stay away, he's _everywhere!"_

"Sure. Only you're not paying $14.95 a month for him," Leon points out with a smirk. "Although… I'm sure you would."

"Hey!" I smack Leon then scoot about three feet away in a pathetic attempt to avoid getting hit back. Leon's armspan is almost as long as mine, and that means he has a good range of attack.

… Hmm, I don't think Riku likes Sora very much. He's pretty much shut up since Sora got here. His nose is buried in a book while he eats his salad. Eww, salad is so boring. Oh, wait, it's chicken caesar. Yum. Chicken caesar rocks.

Ugh, I am _so hungry._

"Here!" It's like he can read my goddamned mind. Kick ass! I take the pizza away from Sora and chow down; how did he know pepperoni is my favorite? I think the kid's starting to grow on me just a little. He's a bit pesky, a little naïve, but he's not too bad for a freshman. I _do _stress the freshman part, though.

Riku keeps giving Sora weird looks. Okay, he must really not like him. _I _like him. I think Sora's fun. So far, at least. Heh. I wave at Riku and he gives me a little smile. It's better than nothing. Just gotta take what you can get.

"Do any of you guys know about the soccer team?" Sora asks before he throws the last piece of his pizza into his mouth. He swallows, then adds, "I played soccer at my old school, and I wanted to try out for the team here."

A man after my own heart! I just wanna cry and give him a swirlie as initiation into my life. Sweet!

"Actually, Axel plays soccer. He plays center forward. He's really good," Leon says giving me a little smirk. Yeah, I'm awesome at soccer.

"What do you play?" I ask Sora.

"Forward, usually. Sometimes goalie, but I'm kinda short…" he trails off and giggles. Yeah, giggles. Weird. "It makes it tough, but I'm not a bad goalie."

"Well, you should try out for the team. They're always looking for talented players. I'll let the coach know; tryouts start in a few weeks, so get ready." Leon pokes his pasta with his fork, obviously unimpressed with the chef's masterpiece. "I'd offer to help you, but I'm really busy right now with all my extra curriculars."

Dammit. That's Leon's way of saying, _Hey, help the newbie out. He could use some friends. _So, of course I've got to do the nice thing, since Sora's giving me a look that I can't ignore. Stupid freshman.

"Uh, I've got some time, so if you want, you can like, prepare for tryouts with me. But if you suck, there's nothing I can do for you." It sounds so nice, even though I tried to make it seem like a burden. Sora's eyes light up and he nods his head eagerly.

"Yeah! That would be great, Axel!"

God had better be giving brownie points for this. I missed confession last week, so we're square. Hear that, God? We're _even _now

* * *

By the time I get back to the room, it's almost midnight. Not my fault, though. I mean, the guys wanted to go out drinking, and I know this little place that's not too far where the drinks are cheap and the bartenders don't ID… Hey, at least I'm not smashed. I'm being pretty quiet… 

"You woke me up," Riku gripes as he sits up in bed. I turn on the light and smile earnestly. "Don't gimme that stupid smile. Your face is bright red. Just be quiet. I'm trying to sleep."

"Aww, c'mon Riku! Don't you wanna stay up and have a pillow fight with me?" I say in a high voice. I bounce over to him and jump on his bed, practically sitting on top of him. "It'd be fun!"

"I don't want _fun _right now, I want _sleep," _he whines as he tries to push me away. I know I'm totally invading Riku's bubble, but there's nothing better than jumping around while lit. Slightly lit. I'm not _that _drunk.

"Don't be a baby!"

"Axel, shit, go away!" Riku tries to push me away, but I collapse onto his bed next to him, which doesn't really work that well, since our beds are tiny and half Riku's bed has totally been commandeered by pillows. Mutiny!

Riku gives in and lets me lay next to him. Hah. I win. Screw you, buddy! "So what'cha thinkin' about?" I ask in another high pitched voice. Riku turns away from me and lets his arm hang over the side of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Are you done invading my personal space?"

"It didn't _used _to be personal." And as soon as I say it, I know it was stupid. Riku tenses up and doesn't say anything. Bad memories. Bad everything, and I know it's worse for him than for me. Stupid me, stupid me. Ten Hail Mary's tomorrow for that.

Now, here's the thing about being drunk: everyone has a _kind _of drunk that they are. Me? Uber flirty, bad-decision making, totally morally reprehensible kinda drunk. Riku puts up with it since we're best friends, but I think he really hates that I drink so much. Secretly. Everything's a secret with him.

I reach out to touch him, but suddenly stop short. Bad idea, Axel. Every time I drink, I try to stay away from Riku so I don't do something stupid. It's really for his benefit, even though he probably thinks that I'm doing it to get away from him or something equally stupid.

Riku shifts uneasily and – sucks for me – his shirt comes up just a little bit on his back, enough to see this little birthmark he has on the right side of his spine, just above the elastic of his pajama pants. I always used to make fun of that… Goddammit, here I go again. Why couldn't he have just stayed asleep? My libido's fucking ridiculous, man. And worst thing is, it's not just him. It's _everyone._

"Are you going to get out of my bed or am I going to have to force you?" he grumbles. Aww, don't be mad, Riku. I was totally avoiding hitting on you! Can't you appreciate it?

Okay, so everyone does this, and I am no exception. You're just sitting there - or lying there, or whatever - next to someone, and you're wondering if they like you and if you should make the first move, yada yada yada. It's like you're scripting the next ten minutes of your life if only they would _turn the fuck around. _And then they do and you're like, _Oh shit! _because suddenly it's happening and you're trying to comprehend the moment and take notes so you can remember it forever _just _in case it never happens again…

I do that with Riku all the time. When I'm drunk. I guess that doesn't say much... alcohol makes me a little stupid and, uh… promiscuous, heh. But it's a tough battle, being that I, uh… I haven't really ever gotten over him. Not like that, it's just that sometimes… I just wanna hold him like I used to after we beat the crap out of stupid people who picked on him since he was less intimidating than me or something shitty like that. And he's such a quiet crier you'd never even know it was happening until you felt the tears on your shirt and…

"Axel? Did you pass out?"

Oh, I've been too quiet. Before I can say anything, Riku rolls over and gives me a funny look. "…Hello?" I say.

"Just go to bed. I'll wake you up for class in the morning."

I don't like Riku being pissed with me, or annoyed, or anything but completely happy with me. Which isn't too often, unfortunately. Dammit, maybe it's me? … Nah!

"Hey, don't be mad at me," I say quietly as I look down at his cute blue and white checkered pillow cases. "C'mon, Riku, at least stop being mad at me so _I _can get some sleep."

I look at him and his eyes are annoyed, but definitely not as angry as before. "Fine. I'm not angry. Now go to bed. You're starting to smother me."

I laughed. Me, smother _him? _Absurd. I could never smother _anyone, _because everyone loves me! But I'm totally glad Riku's way more level-headed than I am, because if he wasn't, we'd be in so many bad situations all the time that we'd probably stop being friends. Well, I'd probably be the one _putting _us in the bad situations… But whatever. He's the logical one; I'm the never-think-twice one, but it usually ends not so happily.

"G'night, Riku," I say softly as I sit up and crawl out of the bed. I start to walk to my bed, but turn around and lean over Riku and smile. "Don't let the bed bugs bite."

"Shut _up!_ I _hate _bed bugs!"

"I know. Sleep tight!"

"AXEL!"

* * *

A.N.: Massive thanks to 1/2 of Hanitachan for being my beta and catching stupid typos I make like how to spell 'folly' (HINT! There is no 'e' in 'folly'). Also for catching double explanation points, which I do out of habit. Anyway, enjoy and review! 'Specially if you love Axel as much as I do... 

Also, for those of you who don't know Janice Dickinson and worship her like the goddess she is, "drop trou" is another way to say drop your pants. If you love Axel, and are reading this, then you should automatically know who Janice Dickinson is because she is the epitomy of extrovertedness. Yes, I just invented that word. And I'm copyrighting it.


	2. Toilet Shower

**

* * *

**

Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue

* * *

**Chapter Two**  
_**Toilet Shower**_  
_Riku_

If I pretend I'm asleep maybe they'll leave. Not that I could ever have luck that good, especially with Axel around. Every day it's another play date with Sora and I think I'm actually going insane. With the piggy back rides and the yelling and destroying the room – _my room – _I get two steps away from pulling my hair out and losing my mind.

On top of that they just got back from soccer practice and there's nothing orse than seeing Axel in his uniform. Our soccer uniforms are actually pretty cool. The jerseys are navy with black stripes on the sleeves and up the sides, and the numbers on the back are white with black outlines. The shorts match, with two stripes up either side. And Axel has to match so he wears black knee high socks with black knee pads and white and black soccer shoes.

Sora doesn't have a soccer uniform yet, so he's less matchy than Axel. Not that he isn't up to par. Considering how preppy he looks in his uniform the kid's actually got some style. Sora's shirt is a kelly green polo with black and blue stripes across his chest with the sleeves rolled up to his shoulder. His soccer shorts are plain black and his socks are white with black knee pads and black soccer shoes. Around his left forearm is a green and black wristband for a band I've never heard of.

Axel throws Sora over his shoulder and spins him around. Sora yelps and punches Axel in the back, but the battle's already over. Axel never loses, unless it's on purpose. He finally drops Sora and Sora pokes him in the chest.

"Hey Axel, let's go to the mall!"

"The mall?"

"Yeah!"

"Uh… why?"

"To go shopping."

"Why the hell do you want to go shopping?"

"To buy clothes?"

"Uh huh…"

"Just because. C'mon!"

Axel makes a small noise in his throat. "I guess I'm driving?"

"Yeah. I don't have a license yet."

"Of _course _not. C'mon. Hey Riku!"

Damnit. "Yeah?" I roll over and look at the two and try not to make a face. Axel's been spending a lot of time with Sora… too much time. And that means I've been spending a lot of time alone. Not that I mind. I enjoy being alone.

"Wanna come with?"

"And the special occasion is?"

Sora grins and shakes his head. "It's a secret."

"Uh huh…"

"C'mon Riku! You never hang out with us!" Sora walks over to me and grabs my hand, trying to pull me up. "Let's go!" He smiles but I look away. Something about those eyes… If I look then I won't be able to say no. His eyes just never end.

"I uh, I'm just gonna stay here."

I meet Axel's eyes and he has a look that could make you melt. Or cry. I've done both. "Hey uh, Sora? Do you mind giving me and Riku a minute?"

"Yeah!" Sora lets go of my hand and winks at me. "I promise if you come we'll have fun."

A chill runs up and down my spine and I nod with a tight lipped smile. "I'll consider it, Sora."

But the truth is I _do _want to go, I'm just not a mall person. Or a Sora person, apparently. He's too bubbly, and happy, and friendly… it's hard to handle. Sometimes I think that I'd get along with him, but we're so different I figure it's better to just be alone. I'm used to being alone.

Sora leaves and Axel sits down on the bed next to me. "Hey… I know I've been spending a lot of time with Sora. If you want, we can hang out here today. Just you and me, 'kay?"

He's being nice, but I don't want nice. "No, I'm fine."

"Riku…"

"Shut up, Axel."

"What's your deal? Why don't you like Sora? He wants you to be his friend _so bad, _yanno. He's afraid you hate him and he's been trying _so hard _to get you to be his friend that it's starting to drive me nuts. He talks about you all the time."

"You jealous?" The words are harsh and I know it. Axel bites his lip, but I won't meet his eyes. I just stare at his mouth. "Go play with your little friend."

"You're my friend too! I want you to come _with us!"_

"Yeah?" I let myself sound interested even though I have no interest in going to a mall. Axel nods and slaps his hand on my knee, squeezing it once. "Well, if it weren't the mall I'd go with you," I lie. Axel's eyes light up when I finally look at him. "But I hate the mall."

"We'll go somewhere else! A movie or something."

I know Axel doesn't have any money for things like that. He barely makes enough to get by. He missed work this week once and I don't think he's had anything other than orange juice since then. "Axel…"

"No, it's okay. I can afford it," he cuts in quickly. His eyes were cold for a second before perking up. "Come on, Riku! Come _play with me!"_

He's persistent, I'll give him that much. "I really don't feel like going out, Axel. I just wanna stay in and watch a movie or something."

"Then we'll stay in and watch a movie. I wanna hang out with you. Is that so fucking _hard _to understand?" He's annoyed now, but I don't really care. "You're my _best friend _Riku. I'd rather spend time with you any day."

Bullshit. "Go have fun with your new friend. I'm tired of talking about this." I stand up and go to the door and open it up. "Have fun with Sora," I say, purposely ignoring Sora and motioning for Axel to leave. "Bye."

I can see Sora frown out of the corner of my eye and before I know what's coming Sora's in the room and the door's been slammed shut. "Let's do something _together, _Riku."

"Excuse me?"

"I know you don't really like me, but you don't even know me yet. So let's all do something _together _so I can be friends with you. I want to be friends!"

This kid just never stops. I've managed to keep my eyes on the floor the whole time he's been talking but it's hard not to look at him. He's… a little bit gorgeous. Not that I'm interested.

Axel nudges me and I look at him, then Sora. And I can't look away. "I… I… There, uh, isn't anything to do," I manage to choke out before looking back at the floor. Shit. My face is hot.

A hand is touching mine and I look at Axel from the corner of my eye. He looks surprised, and a little confused. Shit. Can he tell?

He holds one finger up to Sora, then leans in and whispers into the shell of my ear, "I get it now. It's not me that's the problem, is it."

"W-what?!" I shout as I push him away. "Shut up!"

Axel shrugs and winks at Sora. "So we're all hanging out then?"

"Yeah!"

Two movies and a pizza later, Sora still won't leave. He wants to spend the entire damned day with us. With me. Whatever. Shit, I need some air. Anything. It's impossible to sit next to him without being so distracted and the last thing I want to do is get caught staring, especially by Axel. He would never let me live it down.

Axel's on the other side of me and he casts me a sideways glance. "What's wrong?" he whispers. Sora's so into the movie I know he can't hear.

"I don't want to sit next to him," I whisper back.

He grins and leans his head in closer to me. "No, you do. I'm not stupid."

"I don't!" I whine.

"Hey, this is your dealio, not mine. I'm not interested in him… _like that."_

I could kill him. I might kill him. We _do _share a room. "Axel, shut _up!" _I hiss. He's not listening though. He's staring at the door. I frown and stare, trying to figure out what it is. Nothing, I bet; someone probably brushed against the door on accident. Axel's hearing freaks me out sometimes.

Sora's suddenly paying attention as he grabs my thigh and half leans over me to look. "What's wrong?" he asks Axel, practically in my lap. I can feel my face turning red and I push him out of my lap onto the floor in a little heap of cerulean eyed goodness.

Ugh, I make myself sick.

"Oww!" he whines as he looks up at me. "What was that for?"

"Uh, nothing. I have to use the restroom." I stand up and bolt out the door, but I can hear footsteps behind me. Don't turn around, don't turn around. Pretend that no one's there.

I turn and head into the bathroom, and so do the steps. Before I manage to grab a stall – yeah, our school doesn't use urinals anymore thanks to Axel – a hand grabs me and spins me around.

Sora.

"Do you still not like me?" he asks. I won't look at him. I won't I won't I won't—"Because I like you."

I will _not _take that out of context.

"It's not that," I mumble, concentrating on the green and blue tiled floor. "It's nothing, okay? We can be friends, fine."

"Why don't you ever look at me? It always feels like you're trying to ignore me…" Sora trails off and I look up, sighing softly. His eyes are pouting and it's a little bit adorable. Crap. What is it about his fucking eyes?!

"Sora, don't take it the wrong way, okay? I mean, it's not that I don't like you. You're _fine. _I'm just not a very social person is all, okay?"

"But you are with _Axel. _He tells me all these stories about all the stuff you guys have done together, and he makes you sound like so much fun. But every time you're near me, you don't talk and ignore me and I just want you to _like me, _Riku."

I know what he said but it's not sinking in. His eyes flutter and I take a step back. What a pretty boy you are…

Sora smiles and my knees go weak. Like, seriously. I fall back and grab at the side of the stall for the handicapped bar but much to my dismay it's not there. So I fall and land. In the toilet. Yeah, _in _the toilet. My eyes are closed and I feel my face turning red. Of all the embarrassing things that could have happened… this is by far the worst.

But there isn't any laughing of fingers pointing when I open my eyes. Instead, Sora's holding his hand out to me with a little grin. "You okay?" he asks. I take his hand and he pulls me out but my clothes are soaked. Who would'a thought a toilet could soak you nearly head to toe? But then again, I did fall pretty hard.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just embarrassed."

Sora nods and touches each of his pointer fingers to my cheeks. "Yeah, your face is all red. Um, you _are _covered in toilet water though." He turns around and runs to one of the showers and turns it on, then grabs my hand and before I know it I'm standing in the shower freezing my ass off because the water's on cold.

"S-Sora! It's fucking _freezing!" _I shout at him.

"Sorry!" he apologizes. And then he's in the shower too trying to fix it. He doesn't even give it a second thought. So here we are, in the shower… alone…

I hate my life.

"Better?" he asks looking up at me through water sodden bangs. He brushes them out of his face and I smile just to see his cerulean eyes. "It's warm now. At least you can wash your clothes at the same time that you're warming up!"

"Minus shampoo, or soap, or a towel."

"Oh… I didn't think about that."

I am all too aware that I'm standing in a shower with another boy. This would be the second time… but nevermind that. It's in the past. "You didn't have to jump in the shower _with _me, Sora. I could have done it."

Sora grins and his cheeks flush. "Yeah, I kinda thought about it after I hopped in with you. If we had soap, we could wash each other! My brother always helps me reach my back." He then turns around and attempts to reach the middle of his back. "Right there. He always gets it for me."

I resist the urge to throw him against the shower wall. Water bounces off his hair – I seriously think it must be immune or something – and onto his clothes, thoroughly soaking him through. It trails down his tan skin and I watch a droplet fall off a chunk of hair onto his neck and underneath his clothes. He's so sweet and innocent, but he isn't giving me anything to judge whether he's… yanno… I sigh and shake my head and Sora turns around.

"What's wrong?" he asks, eyes worried. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"N-no. It's not that?"

Sora smirks and leans in a little. "It doesn't make you uncomfortable?"

"What?"

"Being in the shower. With me." Sora laughs and shakes a finger in my face. "I'm just kidding. Don't get so uptight, Riku!"

If I don't kill him, then I'm going to… Oh screw it. It's hard not to like the guy. I mean, even if he _is _being a little bit of a tease. And an ass. Not really the ass part, but it makes me feel better to think so.

"Does it bother you that I'm friend with Axel? Is that why you don't like me?"

Okay, random question. "No, that's not it."

"Well, then what is it?"  
How do I explain this? I don't like you because you're _always around _and you're loud and obnoxious and it's not like Axel's not bad enough. Between him coming in late and waking me up and then not getting up for class, I've got my hands full. Add in Sora and my room goes from a safe haven to the Berlin Wall. Jesus, when do they even have time for homework? They're _never apart._

"Hey… uhm…" Sora blushes and kicked his socked foot at the water on the shower floor. That's right, we're still in the shower. Shit.

"What?"

"I'm not trying to steal your best friend," he said solemly. He grabs my hands and squeezes them, giving me an awkward smile, then giggles. "Really. Like I said before, I want us all to be friends. Even if I am a freshman!"

His giggle makes me shiver. This kid really has _no idea _how the real world works. There isn't a bit of logic in him. He really is that naïve. "Sora…" I trail off, looking for the right words. I tower over him and I bend my knees a little so I can look at him, trying to give him something that isn't along the lines of _shut the fuck up._

Before I can say anything I can hear someone clear their throat. Sora turns around and I look over his head to see Axel leaning against the wall, foot tapping the ground. "Did I miss something?" he asks, and his face isn't happy at all. I pull my hands away from Sora, immediately embarrased. "You two done in there, or should I step out?"

"Sorry," Sora says as he hops out of the shower. "Riku fell into the toilet." He says it so matter-of-factly, it's funny. I grin and turn the shower off, then step out and look at myself in the mirror. Holy shit, it really should be a sin to look this bad.

"He… fell? So you thought that by putting him in the shower…" Axel trails off and waves his hands out in front of him. "Never mind."

"It was nothing," I mumble. "Seriously. Sora's just…" and as I try and think of something to say the only thing I can think of is, "Sora." Yeah, that's the only way to describe it. Sora is as Sora does. He should definitely think of starring in a sit-com of his life. I'd watch it.

Axel shoots me a dirty look before walking over to me. "Is _this _your way of getting back at me?" he asks. I know he doesn't want an answer. He's already made up his mind. Hardest thing in the world is getting Axel to change his mind.

"It's not that at all. I really did fall in the toilet."

"So you decided to take a shower with Sora?"

Sora's giving us a strange look now but I focus on looking at Axel. "No. Sora decided to take a shower with _me."_

Okay, not the best thing to say. I'm really just trying to press his buttons and piss him off. I'm mad that he waited this long to come and take me out of my misery, and that made me watch two movies with this kid without taking into consideration how _I _felt. Fuck him.

"Is that so?" He turns and looks at Sora who shrugs. Smart move. Don't say _anything _to Axel if you wanna keep your balls. "Well then," he turns back and gives me another not-so-friendly look, "I'll let you guys have fun. I'm going out."

Axel turns and leaves, slamming the door behind himself. "Damnit," I curse as I pull off my uniform shirt. I've got an undershirt, but everything's soaked so I take it off too. Then I notice that Sora's staring so I stare back.

"Uh…" he gives me a meek smile.

"What?" I'm wet, and these clothes are too heavy. I'm well too aware that I am dripping all over the floor. At least I didn't have shoes on. That would have made everything that much worse.

Sora nods and copies me. He pulls his shirt off, then peels his socks off. I try not to stare as I undo my belt. The pants are staying on, that much I'm sure of. "I guess you can come back to the room and dry off. Axel won't be back for a while," I grumble as I shove past him, wet clothes in hand. Sora follows me and sure enough Axel's not in the room. I push open the window to hang them out to dry, then turn around.

Sora holds his clothes out to me and I sigh but take them. After hanging them out I open my drawer to get out pajamas. "I'm going to go change. Did you want something to wear?"

"Just a t-shirt and sweats are fine. I'll bring them back tomorrow. Sorry for all this…"

"Whatever." I grab a shirt and shorts out of my drawer and throw them to Sora. "It's not your fault."

Sora follows me to the bathroom and I can't help but feel like Axel's dropped his friend into my lap to babysit. He doesn't usually pull crap like this, but he's being moody and it's not like I can help it. I feel bad, but he _does _like to overreact about stupid shit sometimes.

I push open the stall door and find Sora ringing his hair out in the sink. It's almost flat now – I guess it _isn't _immune to water – but still sticks out in limp weird angles. He smiles at me in the mirror but I ignore him and leave to go back to my room.

Sora doesn't follow me. I'll give him his clothes tomorrow, or Axel can. Whatever. It's almost eleven and I know I'm pissed I'm not going to get my full ten hours of sleep. Not that I ever _do _with Axel as a roommate.

… Asshole.

* * *

I wake up to someone banging on the door. Since the sun isn't shining through the blinds I'm gonna guess that it's not morning yet. And if it's Axel banging on the door, that means he's drunk. Fuck. 

A quick glance at the clock informs me that it is precisely 2:37 in the morning. I haven't even been asleep for that long. Maybe three hours; I had a little bit of trouble falling asleep…

Can't he quit with the banging?! "Hold on!" I shout as I throw the covers off my bed and get up. I stumble to the door in the dark and as soon as I unlock it Axel barges in. "Shit Axel!" I curse as I hold my nose. He reeks of alcohol. He's not going to class in the morning, that much I'm sure of.

Axel giggles and attempts to spin but ends up on his ass on the floor. Drunken bastard. It's a school night; why can't he just get mad on the weekends? Ugh… like I could actually _plan _his drunken escapades for him. If only. Drunken escapades don't usually get planned.

_"Hey hey hey!" _he shouts at me. I kick the door shut then kneel down in front of him, slapping my hand over his mouth. He's going to be in so much trouble if the RA hears him. Not that he doesn't deserve it.

"Axel, you've got to be quiet!" I hiss at him. He stares up at me with those emerald eyes and the anger drains out of me. Again, the eye thing. What is it about eyes that makes me melt?

"Mpbf… mpb ftt!"

"What? … Oh, sorry." I uncover his mouth and move to sit on my knees. "What is it?"

"I _said _that yous mished a good _party," _he slurs. Great. Now I'm a babysitter. Exactly how I wanted to spend my night, or morning rather. I don't understand why people drink. What the hell is so fun about it? Alcoholics don't really achieve much in life, in my opinion.

"That's great, but you should get some sleep, Axel. C'mon." I try and lift him up but he won't budge. "Axel, shit. Get up. Your bed is two steps away!"

"Fine, whashever. You're a fucking shtupid shit, Riku. You know that? I mean, shh… shit." Axel burps in my face and I almost fall back. Eww. What was that, mexican food? Where the hell did he find mexican food?

"Excuse me? Why am _I _the shtupid shit?" I mock him. Axel doesn't like it and shoots me a dirty look, eyes almost glowing in the dark. I don't like that look. I'm not up to being tackled or mauled tonight. He might be drunk but he's still taller and I'm pretty sure that drunks might not have agility, but they also don't feel anything if you hit them.

I sigh and cross my legs as he attempts to get up. He's just going to fall over. "I mean, here you are… shit the rooms shpinning… An, and you _know _that I still like you but I fuckered it all up sho like…" He manages to get halfway up before hitting the floor and smashing his elbow into the side of the bed. That's gonna bruise.

"You okay?" I ask, trying to ignore what he's saying. I don't need to hear it. He's drunk. I don't _want _to hear it. Hurts enough as it is, without him bringing it up. That was a long time ago, and it ended for good reason.

Axel was a shitty boyfriend.

"I'm _sorry," _he whines as he leans forward and nearly tackles me by putting his head on my shoulder. His breath tickles my neck and I try to push him away. He wraps his arms around my waist and won't let go. "I… I'm sorry, Riku," he whispers.

"Yeah, me too," I mumble as I stop trying to push him away. Bastard. I put my arms around him and hold him. I seriously wonder if he's going to start crying, but I know him too well. Axel doesn't cry.

… Sometimes, I wonder if he doesn't feel, either.

"I don't like Sora like that," he tells me, suddenly seeming less drunk since he's not slurring anymore. Probably because he's not standing. People always seem more drunk when they're standing up. I blame gravity. "Since you, I don't really…"

I know what he wants to say. _I haven't cared about anyone. _But that doesn't mean he didn't fuck it up, and just because he's sorry doesn't make it okay. It was a long time ago, though.

Why do I keep reminding myself?

"I still love you."

…

…

… Jesus Axel.

"Uh, yeah," I mutter as I manage to get him to sit up just a little. His arms are still wrapped around me and he's just staring. Oh please let go, Axel. If I ever wanted anything from you, this would be it. Let. Go.

Axel gives me a half-smile. A drunken half-smile. "You don't love me anymore, do you."

It wasn't a question. Even if he meant it as a question, I wouldn't have an answer for him. "Shit Axel, just let go and go to bed. I'm not in the mood for your drunken antics. I'm _tired _and _cranky _and I just _want to go to bed."_

"Okay." He lets go and carefully crawls into bed – my bed – and turns to face the wall, then waves one hand at me. "G'night."

I get into his bed and sigh. I wonder if he realizes that he's in my bed? Well, when it's morning and he rolls into the wall instead of onto the floor, he'll know.

* * *

A.N.: Thank God for SoraRiku goodness! Yes, this story switches between Axel and Riku respectively, so let me know if you like that, and also if you like how I write Riku! I have to thank 1/2 of Hanitachan for giving me the inner workings of her mind to write Riku, since they're both on the semi anti-social side. Me? EXTROVERTED all the way just like my Axel baby. Yep. 

So read and review, and lemme know how this goes! Also, this is dedicated to TerraneiParker for being awesome and reading both of my KH stories and reviewing for them both! I totally love you babe! But of course I love _all _my reviewers so this is also for you guys, thanks for sticking with me and please stick it out until the end!!

P.S. Next chapter, we get to meet Roxas!! Woo hoo!! I'm drooling already... And I didn't say it in the first chapter, but aren't their uniforms adorable? I think they're hot. Emolicious!


	3. Two of a Kind

Where we finally meet Roxas...

To all my reviewers, thanks so much for sticking with me!! Of course I have a few special thanks to give...

**Beutelmaus: **Thanks for sticking with me, girlie!! As beta #2, you rock. Thanks for reviewing every chapter on every story and keeping me on my toes. Hope your exams went well and be expecting many more chapters to beta!!

**Gray-Rain Skies: **Your reviews are long and wonderful and I so appreciate all the kind things you say!! So glad you like the way I write the characters and their relationships; I work hard to make them sound as realistic as possible but true to character!! Plus, thanks for not minding the "Sora x Riku...ness" lol. I hope you love this next chapter and of course ROXAS!!

**Acoustical Trance: **I adore that you adore my story XD You will finally get your Roxas, and I know everyone has been waiting for Roxas to show up!!

**Terranei Parker: **You've been with me through all of this, and my other stories. Thanks for all the support, and I hope you enjoy!!

**Mamotte Ageru: **You've stuck with me as well, and I infinitely appreciate it. I am so glad I'm not another cliched writer that does the same thing over and over... . I hope I keep you on your toes with my crazy fanfiction and AkuRoku / SoRiku goodness!!

And now the list of everyone who this chapter is dedicated to...

**Hanitachan, Beutelmaus, Terranei Parker, Mamotte Ageru, Gray-Rain Skies, Acoustical Trance, vincents-loverfall, shadowtailmon, LittlePastry, cherry, kodama sama...**

But I won't forget those on alerts. Please review!! I always respond and I love to know what you guys think!! So thanks to the alerts list...

**Emi Sue, Night Sapphire, QueenStrata, Sakina B.N. Vega, Voltra the Lively, Xita 14, ayatori, ducksushi, ken-san, sule1300, **and **xxTapedxxUpxxHeartsxx.**

Saranghaeyo, and enjoy!!

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**Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue**

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**Chapter Three  
_Two of a Kind_**  
_Axel_

I hate my job. I hate my job a lot. I also hate drinking, especially after last night. I'm sure Riku hates me. He let me sleep in and I missed all my classes and woke up and threw up and then I cleaned that shitty mess up only to _do it again_ and then I committed myself to coming to work so here I am. To make matters worse, I have this huge ass bruise on my elbow. And I woke up in Riku's bed. Not that that hasn't happened before… I just don't know how I got there. I smacked my head on the wall when I tried to get out of bed. That was _not _fun.

Just to protect my job, I won't name names. Well, at least not the _store's _name. But it sucks. I work the backroom. The only people I really have to deal with are the people I work with. Not that I like them any better than crappy stupid customers. I just don't have to be nearly as _nice _to them as I do a customer if one just so happens to catch me off guard and have a question.

Yeah… I hate my job.

"Axel, take this to Domestics," Cid shouts at me. Son of a bitch. I _hate _Domestics. Like I really want to memorize where all the stupid sheet sets or curtains go. Why the hell would I care where curtains go?

I still have to go to church, too. When I get back. _If _I remember. I don't know how tired I'll be. I don't get off until 11:00 tonight which is not for another two hours. At least we close at ten, which means I only have to look at them for another hour. Maybe I can get off early. At least we got paid today; my paycheck was pretty decent, plus I got a bonus. I'm not sure what it was for, but it was an extra hundred bucks so I'm not complaining. I can finally get some food!

"Axel! _Now!" _Cid shouts before pushing me through the swinging doors with the palette. Crap. I almost caught my foot pushing that thing through the doors. Screw this, I'm turning it around and pulling it. I don't _care _if they say push, don't pull. You just can't _push _a palette jack because it goes in totally the wrong direction.

Okay, Domestics. I drop off the palette for Maleficent and Merriweather to work. Two of the four old ladies I work with. They're not really that old, but most of the other backroom and logistics people are all younger. I'm actually the youngest. Not that eighteen is that young, even. Malificent gives me a dirty look and grunts.

"What, you're not gonna stayand_ help?"_

"Hell no. Work your own palette," I snap back before turning around and pulling the palette jack behind me to head to the back room. I can feel her burning a hole in my back so I flip her the bird while I'm at it. Bitch.

"Excuse me, can you help me?"

I don't recognize the voice so I assume it's a customer. Damnit. I wanted to finish taking all the palettes out so that I can leave early and get a late dinner with Sora. He's waiting for me to call so we can order pizza and avoid Riku. Mostly because we're pretty sure Riku's mad at us. We didn't see him at lunch or after school, so I kinda wanna give him some space. I probably said something to piss him off last night. Well, last night slash this morning anyway.

"Yeah, sure," I say, stopping the palette jack with my foot and turning around. I nearly fall over when I take a look at the guy. He's just a little taller than Sora, which is still a foot shorter than me, at least, and he has this purposely messy – in a good way - dirty blond hair that I _know _takes a ridiculous amount of time to style to get it to look _that good. _He's wearing slightly baggy dark denim jeans with a white belt and big, almost gaudy silver belt buckle, and black skate shoes. A white and black graphic tee clings to his body in all the right spots and ends about an inch above the jeans, being that jeans are lose and ride him a little low.

Damnit. Fucking puns.

Anyway, around his neck is a silver chain that's tucked under his shirt, and in his right ear is a silver stud. I wonder if that says anything? Well, if that doesn't around his right arm is an expensive looking watch with a rainbow watch band. As I conclude the part where I check him out, he looks up at me and his eyes are a blue like the ocean, or the sky, or whatever else is blue and fucking pretty.

"I'm looking for a shower caddy. And a few other things. Can you help me?" His voice is sweet and innocent and he flashes me a smile that makes my knees go weak.

"Yeah!" I ignore the palette jack I just abandoned in the middle of the floor and head back toward Maleficent and Merriweather. Shower caddies are in Domestics so we'll just pass them quietly…

"Hey! Aren't you supposed to be bringing more freight out?" Merriweather asks. I ignore her. No way, I'm helping a very hot, very fucking possibly available—

"I'm sorry. Should you be doing something else?"

Me? Doing something else? I don't think so. Not with _you _around. "No, it's alright. Oh! Here are the shower caddies!" I head down the aisle and show the mysterious boy our selection of shower caddies. He gets in front of me to look at them and I can't help check him out from behind. A wallet is in his back pocket, attached to a wallet chain connected with his belt. Hot.

He leans forward and grabs one, then turns back to me. "I also need a comforter and sheets. Where are those?"

"Follow me." I show him down the next few aisles where there are rows and rows of sheets and comforter sets. While he picks some out I find him an abandoned cart and bring it to him.

"Thanks." He smiles and I swear I'm melting. Those eyes are so familiar though… the more I look at them, the more I feel like I know them. What is it that I'm not putting together? "Well, that's all I needed help with." He winks at me then takes the cart and leaves.

"Blue eyes… Sora?" I whisper to myself. The boy pauses for a second, a very brief second, then continues to walk away.

* * *

Sora's waiting for me when I get back. Hot damn, he already ordered pizza. "Pepperoni!" I shout happily as I jump onto the extra bed. Huh, there are new sheets. The guy at work bought some like this. Actually, they look identical… 

"Yeah. I've got a surprise for you."

This could be dangerous. I arch a brow and take my chin into my hand. "Oh yeah? What would _that _be?"  
"It's a secret." Sora seems so amused with himself. Who am I to ruin it?

"Fine. Keep it a secret. Gimme some pizza!" Sora gives me some pizza and I try not to look at his open zipper. "Hey, you should fix your pants. I can see your… yanno…" I trail off and grin and I can hear Sora squeak before zipping his pants back up.

"Sorry!"

"'S okay. So you're really not gonna tell me?"

"Not until tomorrow."

"Okay…"

* * *

I'm late for class. I sprint down the hall, bag flying behind me, trying to make it to my last class. Yes, I slept in _that late. _Goddamnit. It's just not my day. My tie isn't done right – it looks like total crap – and my shirt's dirty because I can't find any of my clean clothes. Well, that's assuming there were any left, in which case I would need to do laundry. Plus my shoes are untied because I was in such a huge hurry. My last class is my favorite, HTML for Beginners. It's an elective and as soon as I found out the school offered it I signed up. I _love _the internet. 

Of course, there's really only one reason why…

I almost stop dead in my tracks. It's him, it's _that guy. _In our school uniform. He's wearing navy pants that fall low on his hips with a short slit up either side at the hems, with the same black shoes. His shirt is simple, a short sleeved button-up, but it's too small and I can see just a hint of his lean stomach. Same watch, same necklace, and a silver ring on his thumb.

He looks over at me and smirks. Like he's teasing me. "Hey!" I shout out to him with a curt wave of just two fingers. He's already stopped walking but he turns to look at me, hands shoved in his pockets. "What's up?"

"You're… that guy from last night? At the store?"

"Yeah. I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Got it memorized?" I grin and extend my hand. He takes it and grins at me.

"Yeah. I'm Roxas."

"Roxas?" Secretly I'm thinking weird name, but of course I smile and keep my retarded ass comments to myself. "Nice ta meet'cha. What class are you going to?"

"Uh… something about HTML."

What? No _way. _I put my hand on his shoulder and give him his wink back. "Well you're in luck, because that's the class I'm headed to. Wanna follow?"

He nods his head. "Yeah."

We head there together, me silently and cautiously watching him out of the corner of my eye. When we arrive we're late already, and Ms. Gainsborough scolds us. "Well, at least you brought the new student with you!"

She introduces Roxas and has him sit at my table next to me. She goes back to her lesson, pointing things out on the computer projection while I log on and pull up the chat room. Damn, Riku's not on. Where is he?

I glance to my right where Roxas seems a little unsure of what he's doing. I'll help him out, I mean, it's only the _right _thing to do, eh? "Do you know how to log on?" I whisper to him. He looks at me, bangs covering his eyes, and shakes his head. "Okay, here." I lean over, just enough so that our shoulders are touching but not _quite _uncomfortably. I am a skilled seductor. Hah.

I type in a few things and the login box pops up. "What's that?" he whispers almost directly into my ear. Ooh, chills.

"Uh, I just need your password. It's the last four of your social security number."

"Oh. What's my username then?"

"Your student number. It's on the back of your student ID card. They should've given you one when you got signed up with classes." He nods and hands me a card and I type in his username. "Okay, and your password?"

"Hmm? Oh, uh… 6899."

"Okay… there! Now you just need to choose a new password and a new username you're set."

I move back to my seat and lean back casually, putting my hands behind my head. "Now you can chat with your friends and browse the web."

"Oh. Cool. What's _your _username?" He gives me a little smirk as he moves his bangs out of his face and partially behind his ear. Damn, those eyes are gorgeous.

"Me?" I smirk back and fold my arms over my chest. "FlamingGod. One word."

Roxas arches a brow. "Huh. Well…" he trails off and types something into the computer, then hits enter and turns back to me. "I'm blueeyes02. One word, zero two."

How perfect. And cute. Jeez… "Cool. I'll add you to my friend's list." Just as I add him Ms. Gainsborough comes by and taps my head with her computer remote.

"I know you _love _to talk, Axel, but could you _please_ pay attention? This is going to be on the test." She smiles politely and goes back to her lesson while the other students giggle and whisper.

Damnit.

_blueeyes02:you always get in trouble 4 chatting?_

_FlamingGod:nah, not always. i think she lieks me_

_FlamingGod:likes_

_blueeyes02:of course. who wouldnt?_

_FlamingGod:careful, i might take that the wrong way_

_blueeyes02:take it however _u _want_

I turn my head to look at Roxas but he's already pulled out a notebook to write down the notes that Ms. Gainsborough's put up. What the hell did _that _mean? I mean… was he flirting with me? Sorry, _is _he flirting with me?

My heart races as I quickly type back,

_FlamingGod:i'll take it as you must obviously worship the ground i walk on being that i'm so HOT_

_blueeyes02:…_

_blueeyes02::grins::_

My eyes glance his way and he's smirking. Grinning. Whatever. Then he looks at me and _winks._

Oh, I think I've got a new pet project.

The bell rings and I jump up and sprint for the door. Sora Sora Sora… we're going to do some soccer drills before the field fills up. A lot of kids are trying out this year for the team since last year we won finals. Which was awesome. I got MVP.

I don't even bother knocking. "Sora!" I shout as throw open his door. Sora looks up from his bed but he doesn't look happy. "What's wrong?"

"Riku!"

"What about Riku? Oh… was he mean to you?" I ask as I drop my bag on the ground. "Don't worry, he'll get over it. He's just kinda moody sometim—"

"No, Riku's in the infirmary. I saw him in there when I took a bathroom break in my last class. I'm going to make him a get well card. Wanna help?"

What? Riku's… sick? Riku _never_ gets sick. He's like, invincible. Literally! "Did he look really bad? What was wrong? Is he dying? Should I call his family or something?!" I all but shout as I begin to pace. "Oh shit! What should we _do?!"_

"Axel!" Sora shouts, jumping up and grabbing my arm. "It's okay. I think he's just got a cold. Really. So let's make him a card and bring it to him, okay?"

"O-okay." I nod my head and sit down on his bed with him where he has a box of Crayola crayons and a big piece of paper. He folds it in half and seals the crease with his thumb nail, then turns it to face me.

"Here. Make it colorful!"

After ten minutes we finish our lovely card covered in ridiculous doodles and the like. It's beautiful! Lots of red and yellow, and black. Black for the outlines. I drew a picture of me and Riku together with a toilet exploding. Ah, those were the good old days. I got in a lot of trouble for that one… Apparently the school does _not_ appreciate pipe bombs in the toilets. It's not like I _purposely _wanted the urinals to explode. I mean, that was just a fluke.

But it was fucking _awesome._

"Okay! Let's bring this to Riku!" Sora says happily as he picks up the card and slides off the bed. "C'mon!"

We hurry to the infirmary where we find the nurse missing. It's not like he's dying, right? She won't mind if we just sneak on in…

I grab Sora's hand and pull him back behind the desk to find Riku. He's sitting on a cot with a bottle of water in his hand. "Riku!" I shout as I run over to him and throw my arms around him. "Thank God you're _alive!"_

"Huh? Why wouldn't I be alive?" he asks me when I finally let go. "What are you talking about?"

"We heard you were sick so we made you a card!" Sora says as he holds the card out to a slightly bemused Riku. He grins and opens it up and finds the drawing of him and me blowing up the toilet.

"Shit Axel, you _had _to draw that, didn't you? Do you even remember how much trouble we got into?" he asks, looking up at me. "You got suspended and almost lost your athletic scholarship here."

I grin and nod. "Shit happens. It made you smile, right?"

"Yeah." He looks at the rest of the card and rests his finger on a picture that Sora drew of all of Riku sitting in a bowl of ice cream eating a popsicle. "What's this?" he asks.

"Oh, ice cream always makes me feel better. Especially sea-salt ice cream!"

"So _that's _what that is. Thanks." He looks up at Sora and his eyes are soft. Hmm…

"You're welcome!"

"So… are you not mad at me anymore?" I ask him nervously as I lean against the wall, hands in my pockets. Riku shakes his head.

"I'm not mad. I had an early meeting this morning. I figured you'd be able to wake yourself up."

Oh. "Well, I only made it to one class today."

He arches a brow. "Yeah? I'm surprised you even made it to that one."

"Hey!"

"Anyway, I've only got a fever. Nothing serious. Thanks for the card, though. I'll be back later. I'm just going to sleep here for a while."

"Oh, okay. Then I'll see you later?"

"Yeah." I flash Riku a thumbs up and he smiles. "I'll see you later. Now get outta here so I can get better!"

We grin and nod, then head back to Sora's room. When we get there I jump onto the extra bed with the new sheets and lie down. "Ah… I'm glad he's done being mad. I _hate _when he's mad."

"Because he's your best friend?" Sora asks as he turns the television on the Discovery Channel.

"Yep. My best friend."

"Riku's kinda shy, huh."

Shy? I guess so. He's just… Riku. He's always been like that. Actually, I'm surprised he was so nice. Normally he gets cranky when he's trying to sleep. "Something like that."

"Oh yeah! So about that surprise…" Sora trails off and giggles as the door knob starts to turn. "You get to find out now!"

I sit up and arch a brow as I throw my blazer on the floor. "Yeah?"

The door opens and Roxas walks in. He looks at Sora and grins, giving him a little wave. "How was school?" he asks Sora. Sora giggles again and bounces up and down on the bed.

"Good! I want you to meet my friend Axel!"

Roxas turns to me and smirks. Holy shit. They couldn't be…

"Axel, this is my twin brother Roxas!"

Ave Maria. Holy shit. "Uh… I'm… I'm Axel. Got it memorized?" I smile and extend a hand. He shakes it and gives me a wink.

"Nice to meet you."

"Yay! Now we can all be friends!" Sora cheers as he throws a fist into the air. I grin and bear it. What an interesting year it's looking to be. "Today was Roxas's first day. He just got here. And he's gay."

Roxas's smirk doesn't falter. I nearly faceplant. "He's… gay?"

"Uh huh. Can't you tell?"

"Well, uh…"

"Aren't you gay too?"

I fall off the bed. Sora yelps and waves his hands around as I look up at him from the uncomfortable floor of their room. "Oww."

"Are you okay?" he asks as I sit up. "Wow, that bed must be slippery!"

"Yeah… something like that," I mumble as I rub my head. Jesus, that hurt. Crap, I really need to go to confession. Fuck.

"I've heard a lot about you, Axel," Roxas cuts in as he dumps his bag on the floor and crawls onto his bed. "Sora talks about you a lot. And the other guy, Riku. Your best friend?"

Oh you have got to be _shitting me. _He… he already knew who I was? So the whole time, he was just pretending? Who does this guy think he is?! That is so _not _cool… Sneaky bastard. "Yeah. Riku's my roommate and best friend."

Roxas seems pleased with himself. "So according to Sora, you're gay."

What is with this whole gay thing? I mean… yeah, I'm gay. And Riku is. But what's with all the questions? Is this an interrogation or something? It's not like I run around and go flaunting it… Well, I kinda do. I guess. "Uh, I never _said _that," I point out, giving Sora a dirty look. He hides sheepishly behind a pillow.

"But… But aren't you?" Sora asks.

"Yeah…"

"See, I could tell. Because Roxas is gay. He says I have gaydar like him."

I glance up at Roxas and arch a brow. This is getting interesting. "You know… only gay people have gaydar," I say to Sora while looking at Roxas. I glance over at Sora and he's completely oblivious to what I'm implying.

"Cool. I guess that makes me special."

I roll my eyes. "Or gay," I mumble. Roxas chokes back a laugh and kicks me in the back of my head. Oww! Jesus. Crap, another Hail Mary. Fuck.

"So you guys are twins? Who's older?" I ask as I rub the back of my head.

"I am," Roxas says.

"Why am I _not _surprised."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks as he kicks me again. Je—Crap!

I rub my head again and scoot away from Roxas's foot. "It _means _that you seem like you'd be the older brother. That's all. Chill, man."

"You can sit on the bed, yanno."

"Yeah, Axel. Why are you sitting on the floor?" Sora asks as he puts the pillow in his lap and smiles sweetly at me. "Roxas doesn't bite."

No? Damn. "Sure, whatever you say," I mutter as I stand up and sit on Roxas's bed. He gives me a half-smile before looking back at Sora.

"So where's your friend Riku?"

"He's in the infirmary. He has a fever. We made him a card and gave it to him!" Roxas smiles. "I'm not sure if Riku likes me that much though… he's always angry when I'm around. Or ignores me. But I still want to be his friend because he's Axel's friend and we should all get along!"

Roxas rolls his eyes and leans back against the wall, pulling one knee into his chest. "You're so idealistic, Sora. I think that's why everyone loves you."

"Yeah?"

"It's not necessarily a good thing," Roxas adds as he waves a finger at Sora. "But in your case, I think it works."

"Yay!"

Wow. They're what an interesting pair.

* * *

A.N.: 


	4. Never Again

A.N.: Thanks to **Beutelmaus **and **Mikomi-Kiyoko **for being awesome freaking betas!! I know it's been a while since I posted... I blame getting sick again. Man, I am _always _freaking sick... But anyway, here's another wonderful chapter and look for the next chapter of **No Reason **to come out soon!!

Also, this is dedicated to **Maur**, who is going through a crappy time in her life and all the time she spends with me at Denny's drinking crappy coffee while we converse with the totally lesbian waitress we always see who's pretty freaking awesome in my opinion. Oh, and Steak 'n Shake sucks for not having outlets for me to use. Denny's does, so go there with your laptops and write!!

Not to leave out **Mikomi-Kiyoko **whose life also in a particularly crappy spot. Here for you whenever you need it, assuming I'm online XD but that's pretty often. Let us crush crappy internet peoples to the maxx!! ... And yes, I used TWO x's. ON PURPOSE.

There was something else... Oh yeah, haven't posted it yet, but there will be an amazing collaboration between myself and **Maur **here on ff dot net. Our first fic is elegantly entitled **Resident Emo** and I just _know _all of you are dying to read it because it rocks. Seriously. _Ahem... **Resident Emo**, coming to a computer screen near you._

* * *

**Cerulean's Just Another Word for Blue**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Four  
**_**Never Again  
**Riku_

Axel's waiting up for me when I finally get back from the infirmary. He looks a little distraught, though. "What's wrong?" I ask as I walk over to the desk and sit down. He looks up at me, before screaming,

"Sora's twin is Roxas!"

I blink. "What?"

He explains how he met Roxas and how he ran into him at school, only to find out that he's Sora's twin and he's really cute etc, etc, etc. I arch a brow and rest my hands in my lap, amused.

"So… he's gay."

"Uh huh."

"You're gay."

"Yeah."

"Then… what's the problem?" The words are stiff coming out of my mouth. It's hard to let go of the past when the past lives five feet away. "I mean, you like him, right?"

Axel gives me a strange look. "I don't know… He's cute."

"Well?"

"Well _what?_"

I shrug. "Whatever. It's your life." I turn away but I can hear Axel getting up and walking over to me. He puts his hands on my shoulders then leans down so his head is resting against mine.

"You're really not mad at me, right?"

Mad? Not really. Just exhausted. And confused. All you seem to do is confuse me, Axel. Isn't that obvious? "No."

"No, you're not mad, or no, you are?"

"No, I'm not mad."

"Oh. Good!"

"I can't believe Sora's twin is really that open with being gay, though."

"Yeah, tell me about it. He didn't flinch when Sora mentioned it. Oh! Are you feeling better now? Your face doesn't seem hot," Axel says as he puts one hand on my forehead. "Seems like your fever broke."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Wanna go out and do something?"

"It's already late, and I'm tired Axel. Another night." I brush his hand away from my face.

"Oh… okay."

"You can go."

"Nah."

I smirk and sigh. "You feel bad?"

"Yeah."

"About what?"

He doesn't say anything for a second. "… Well, I don't really remember the other night, but I know I must've said or done something to make you upset. You weren't there in the morning… and I didn't see you at lunch or after school. And you didn't call me, or text me. So I just figured I made you mad…"

I wasn't mad, Axel. I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling the way I do sometimes.

"And I'm just trying to fix things," he adds.

"I know. Really. It's okay."

"Sometimes it seems like you're… so distant." Axel squeezes me from behind and moves to rest his head on the top of mine. "You're my best friend, got it memorized?"

I laugh. "Yeah."

"Good." He hesitates, and then kisses the top of my head. I push him away and turn around in the chair quickly.

"What?" he asks with a frown, hands out to either side of his body. "What's the problem?"

"Don't _do _that," I spit. "I _hate it _when you _do that!"_

"Why?"

I shake my head and look at the floor. "Shit, Axel…"

"I… I'm sorry," he apologizes quickly, dropping his hands and shaking his head. "I know. I know, okay? But don't think that… like… that I don't wish I hadn't fucked up three years ago!"

I look up now and his face is red. "What?"

"I _said, _I wish I hadn't fucked it up!"

I blink. Once. Twice. Three times. "…I can't do this with you, Axel." And I run. I run out the door, down the hallway, and out onto the campus. It's dark outside, it's late I know, and even though there's a curfew I don't care.

He doesn't get it. He doesn't _understand _that I don't want to think about three years ago! I want it to go away, like it never happened, because it still hurts! Because he fucked up, and somehow, we managed to stay best friends. But that doesn't mean it doesn't still _bother me._

Because it does.

Because I still care.

Because sometimes… I think I still love him.

I can feel the tears, but I won't cry. They never fall, but I can feel them burning in my eyes, dying to come down. Axel's the only one that can ever make me feel like the greatest person in the world and completely inadequate at the same time. And it's because he's just the way that he _is, _and he doesn't even understand how I feel.

At least, I don't think he does. If he does, then he's good at hiding it.

I rub my eyes and crouch down on the ground, head in my hands. Every time this happens… it just hurts and I can't think. He makes me go insane because he just _can't get it through his thick head_ that we barely managed to stay friends after that. I almost lost my best friend along with my boyfriend… because he was stupid. Because he was Axel.

"… Riku?"

Oh for the love of _God_ is there no peace?! Does God have _no fucking mercy?!_

"… It _is _you. Riku… what's wrong?" Someone squats in front of me and I look up to find worried cerulean eyes peering at me through unruly brown bangs. "Oh! What's wrong?"

Sora reaches out and puts his hand on my shoulder. I feel my body tremble and shake my head. "Nothing, Sora. It's nothing."

"Are you still feeling sick?"

Yeah. But not from that. "No, it's fine. I'm fine. Really."

He lets go for a second, then kneels and puts his arms around me. He's hugging me? What the hell? "I'm sorry," he whispers.

"For what?"

And why the hell are you touching me?

"I don't know. For whatever is making you sad."

"Who said I was sad?"

He pulls away and brushes my bangs out of my face, then takes both his pointer fingers and puts one under each eye. "Your _eyes, _silly. They say you're sad. Whenever one of my friends is sad, I hug them. It helps."

And then he throws his arms around me again and squeezes me. I just sit there for a minute, completely comfortable as I breathe in the scent of his coconut shampoo. It smells good, and safe, and nothing like Axel.

Exactly what I need.

"Sora?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I… stay in your room tonight?"

"Huh?" He lets me go and frowns. "Why? Did something happen with Axel?"  
"You… could say that," I mumble.

Sora nods and stands up, offering me his hand. I take it and stand up with him. "C'mon. Roxas is still awake. Did you wanna talk? He won't mind leaving. I can just make him go to your room or something. He seemed to like Axel enough."

"I don't even want to _think _about him right now," I growl. Sora lets go of my hand and steps back.

"Uhm…"

"Sorry. Can we just go?"

"Yeah!"

I follow Sora to his room and he unlocks the door, letting me in first. A boy sitting on the bed playing a video game looks up when I walk in. His eyes are like Sora's; cerulean, but different. Something about them is different. I assume he's Sora's twin, Roxas.

"Hey," he says, waving his hand at me.

"Hi."

"Roxas, can you do me a favor?" Sora asks as he kicks the door closed.

"What would that be?" He puts the controller down and arches a brow. "Oh, you guys wanna talk or something? I can leave. It's okay."

"Well, actually, Riku's gonna spend the night…"

Roxas seems amused by this. "Oh? …By the way, I'm Roxas," he introduces himself.

"Riku."

He seems even more amused. "So _you're _Riku. Huh. Well uh, if you're gonna stay in here…" he trails off as he grabs some clothes from his dresser, "I guess I'll take your room. Axel's there, right?"

I nod, slightly dumbfounded.

"Okay then. I'll go sleep in your room. Just don't stay up _too_ late, Sora," Roxas jokes with a wink. He waves goodbye and leaves, locking the door behind himself. Sora sighs and grabs my hand, then pulls me over to his bed.

We sit down and I find myself wordless. I don't really know what to say. I just wanted to get away. Sora starts. "Did you guys have a fight?"

"A fight? No… not really. It's complicated."

"How so?" Sora crosses his legs and turns toward me, head resting in his hands. "Axel's pretty straightforward."

God, if only you knew. I grin and nod. "Yeah, he can be."

"If you don't wanna talk, we can just go to sleep. You can use Roxas's bed. He won't mind."

I shake my head. "I don't know."

"… Hey, Riku?"

My eyes go from the floor to Sora. Looking at him… is different than looking at Axel. Sora's eyes are so honest and sincere. It's nice. "Yeah?"

"Do you need another hug?"

I try not to laugh. "Um, I'm okay Sora."

Sora shakes his head. "I think you need one." And then he's hugging me again and I'm grinning because he's cute.

…Yeah, he's cute.

"Yanno, Axel's just trying to be a good friend. I don't think he knows that he makes you upset, Riku."

"I know that. I've known him for a long time."

"… You're… not so good at this hugging thing, are you."

It's not a question. I guess the only person I'm used to hugging is Axel. It's strange hugging someone else. And Sora's so much shorter than me, even sitting, that even though _he's _hugging _me _it feels like _I'm _hugging _him._

"No, not really."

"It's okay. _I'm _good at hugging."

We sit in silence for a minute, him holding me, me not doing anything back. The thing is, it's not awkward. I thought it would be, but around Sora, even though I'm _trying _not to like him…

I kinda do.

"I should apologize," I say, pushing Sora away gently. He looks at me, one eyebrow raised. "I've… I haven't been the nicest person to you. So I'm sorry. You're… not _that _bad." I grin.

Sora grins back. "It's okay. You don't have to apologize."

"No, I really do. I can be pretty… horrible. Sometimes."

Sora's grin gets wider. It kinda makes me wanna punch him, but I won't. "I know. But that's _okay, _Riku."

"Yeah?"

He nods. "Because we're friends now."

* * *

Somewhere in the back of my mind I can hear the doorknob turning. But I'm too comfortable to move. I'm dreaming about the beach, and I can smell the coconuts… 

No, that's not right. You can't smell in dreams. I open one eye and I see dark brown hair. That's where the smell's coming from… Oh Jesus Christ.

"Good morning!" Roxas shouts cheerfully. I can almost hear the sweatdrop. "O-oh… maybe we should come back later," he mumbles.

Sora groans, "I'm _hungry, _Roxas…"

His head is still on my shoulder. "Sora, wake up," I whisper to him. He opens his eyes and looks up at me with a smile. Then he frowns as I assume he's trying to figure out why he was sleeping on my shoulder.

"Is it already morning?" he asks, completely unfazed.

I'm a little amazed... and that just rhymed. Ugh.

"Hey, uh, Sora?" Roxas says uneasily as he tries to hide Axel behind himself. I see him. I ignore him. "Can you, uh, come here? Just for a second?"

"Okay!" Sora jumps off the bed and bounces – yes, _bounces – _over to Roxas, who pulls him into the hallway. I'm left with Axel who has a curious look on his face. He just stares at me and I look at the floor.

Stop staring, you asshole.

"So…" he starts.

"What?" I snap.

"You and Sora?"

_"What?"_

Axel snorts and I look up. "I'm not blind, Riku. I'm not gonna stop you, either. Even if he _is _straight. At least, for now." He forces a bittersweet smile onto his face. Sometimes even _I _don't get him.

"What's _that _supposed to mean?"

"It _means _that… you're you. And you'll win him over." Axel shrugs and leans against the wall adjacent to the door. "I guess… I'm just surprised it's Sora. 'Cause you were mean to him, but I kinda figured… after a while…" he trails off and sighs sadly. "I'll drop it. I fucked it up already. I'll drop it. 'Kay?"

I don't say anything. It's too early in the morning to try and think. And he just stands there so casually, like we're talking about _oatmeal _or something. Fuck. I wanna go back to bed.

The door opens and Axel jumps back, eyes on Roxas as he walks over to him. My eyes meet Axel's and he blushes. So…

"Sorry about that. Um, I just needed my backpack. We'll see you guys downstairs at breakfast, okay?" the blond says with a little smirk on his face. One of those smirks that says, _Ooh, I know your little secret. _Except I don't _have _a secret.

"Yeah, sure. We'll be down in a minute," I reply as he turns and grabs Axel's hand. Axel gives me one last look before being dragged out of the room by the shorter Roxas while Sora skips back in.

Yeah, skips. Jesus.

"Well, I guess we're kinda already dressed. Wanna stop by your room and get your books?" he asks. I nod.

Something about him's a little different. We walk to my room in silence, which doesn't bother me, since I'm still waking up. God, my back hurts. And my neck. I unlock my door and grab my bag off the bed but Sora closes the door and leans against it, feet propped in front of him with his hands behind his back.

"Roxas… told me something. About Axel."

"Huh?"

He nods and gives me a tight-lipped smile. Oh no, here we go…

"He said you guys used to go out, a long time ago."

"Yeah, three years ago. Why?" I stuff a binder into my backpack.

"What… happened?"

"Why does it matter?" I snap. This is really the _last _thing I wanna talk about in the morning. Why does everyone keep bringing it _up?_

"So you're gay, too."

I stop. That's right, he didn't know. Yet. Goddamnit, I'm cursing just as much as Axel does. Why does God always _do this? _"Y-yeah… I'm gay."

"Oh. Okay."

That's that, I suppose.

… I suppose a lot of things.

"Did… you fall in love with someone else?"

"Who said I loved him?" I nearly scream at him. Sora's eyes go wide and I know I've given myself away. "I… it was a long time ago, Sora. We're just friends now. He's my best friend, at that. Even though we fight all the time."

"But what _happened?" _he pushes.

I think about the night before and… I guess that's why he's asking. He's being pushy this time, unlike before. It's strange to see him being pushy at all. He seems so much more submissive.

"Axel… is Axel." I smile weakly at him. "I guess that it wasn't really his fault. We only went out for six months…" _one week… and two days. _"He… _met _someone else." The words are tired in my mouth. How many times have I explained it that way? Trying to make Axel seem less at fault than he was. He was entirely at fault. I know that; _everyone_ knows that.

He broke my damn heart.

"So he cheated on you." Sora doesn't ask, he states it. His brows are furrowed as his eyes narrow. "That's… horrible."

"Sora, that was a long time ago."

"I like Axel a lot. It doesn't make me not like him…" he trails off and I know there's more to it than that. Something he's not telling me. Now I'm curious.

"Why do _you _care?"

Sora's frown falters and suddenly he's smiling, all happy and cheery. "Oh, no reason!"

Liar. "Yeah?"

I don't think he can lie. I think he breaks under pressure. His face falters a second time, then he nods.

"So… no ulterior motives here? At all?"

"N-no…" Another smile. And then a slight twitch.

Ah… so he _does _have a tell.

"Pinky promise?" I hold my pinky out to him and his face falls. Gotcha.

"I'm not gonna _promise…"_

"So you're lying."

"No!"

"You're not telling the truth. That's still a lie."

Sora crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. I try not to smile. I win. "Okay, fine. Roxas wanted to know. He's very intune with things like that, with his gaydar and all. So in the hall he, like, asked me what happened between you two. And I said I didn't know… so he asked me to find out."

"Why does Roxas care?"

Sora smiles.

"So he kinda… with Axel?"

"He thinks he's nice. He won't anymore."

"Huh?"

Sora sits down on the floor. I look at the clock and I know we're gonna be late. Oh well. For once, I'm actually _interested _in the gossip. Maybe because it's from Sora. "Roxas had this boyfriend… a while ago… They went out for a while, like a _year, _but his boyfriend met someone else and didn't tell him…" he trails off and sighs. "Roxas hasn't really ever gotten over it. It was his _first _boyfriend, too."

I nod my head. I can understand that. It hurts that much more. "It's not easy, going through that."

"How did you get over it?"

I don't say anything. I can't.

Sora nods slowly. "Oh."

"It's not like that…"

"No, it's okay."

"Sora—"

He just smiles and waves his hands in front of him. "You don't have to explain it to me, Riku! It's okay!"

"So are you gonna tell Roxas about Axel's… _indiscretion?"_

"He's my brother. My _twin. _He probably already knows now that _I _do. That's how being twins works. It's kinda sad though… I think they could'a been nice. Together, I mean."

Maybe. "Yeah."

"Does it bother you? To see them together?"

"No. Why?"

Sora shrugs. "Well, if you never got over it—"

"I didn't _say it _like _that, _Sora!"

Sora doesn't seem to be listening. "Roxas's heart got so broken before… I'm gonna make sure it never happens again. I never want to see my twin so sad. I'll protect him, no matter what. Even if he hates me for it," he says softly. He's staring at the floor, one leg slightly bent with his toe digging into the carpet. "I knew… when it happened. I could _feel _his heart breaking. When he called me, he didn't have to say anything. Because we're twins."

Something about the way he says it… makes me believe it.

I almost feel bad for Axel.

…

… Almost.


	5. Ten Thousand Sorrys

**Chapter Five  
**_**Ten Thousand Sorrys  
**Axel_

Roxas stands next to me in line with a funny look on his face. He was silent the whole way from the room down here, and of course I'm just a little curious about what he said to Sora.

On a side note, it sucks that Riku's still not talking to me.

"So…what was that about?" I finally ask as I put a hand on Roxas's shoulder and lean on him a bit.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." He smiles and I find myself smiling back. "I just…Riku's gay, right?"

"Huh?" Where the hell did that come from? How does he seem to know everything? I mean, the both of them. They know everything.

"Isn't he?"

I grin and scratch my chin. "Uh, well yeah. Why?"

"No reason. I was just curious."

"Why, you think he's cute?" I tease although I'm hoping he doesn't agree. But just a little.

…Well, a lot.

"Why does it matter?" he asks, arching a brow as he shoves me off his shoulder.

"No reason!"

Roxas grabs an apple and tosses it from one hand to the other. "Oh, okay."

Stupid Roxas, avoiding the question. Maybe he does like Riku? … Nah. I mean, why would he be hanging out with me? Plus, he slept in my room. It's not like we did anything…but still…

"I kinda already met someone I like and Riku's not my type."

Huh?

I grab his hand and he turns around with a little smirk playing on his lips. He won't look at me, just keeps on grinning. Does he mean me?

"Who?" I blurt out without thinking. Roxas looks up at me and arches a brow suggestively.

"Who do you think?"

"M-me?"

"No, the other ridiculously tall with almost bad but not quite hair standing in front of me with gorgeous eyes I can't look away from."

I blink. I feel a Family Guy moment coming on...Whaaaaaat? Damn you Peter Griffin, damn you.

"Yeah, you," he mumbles before walking to the register to pay for his food.

Man.

I follow him, forgetting to get juice. Whatever, I don't care. I sit down next to him and scoot closer once. Then twice. Then three times and he looks over at me with this half-annoyed, half-amused look.

"Can I help you?" he asks me before biting into his apple.

Oh, he's so cute!

In the back of my mind, it's still bugging me that Riku's not talking to me. That, I'm not used to. Though it's not like I could tell him about this. I wouldn't want to. We can't…talk about that kinda stuff. Ever, I think. Maybe.

Who knows?

I've already pissed him off as it is. My best bet is trying not to piss him off any more than I already have. Which is quite a feat to begin with and I'm a little bit terrible at not pissing him off.

"Umm… nope!" I smile and shrug my shoulders, "Not at all!"

"You're weird," Roxas takes another bite and swallows, "And you're very, very close to me."

"No reason."

"I didn't ask why."

Oh. Whatever. Bite me, blue eyes.

"Wanna go on a date?" Roxas chokes on his apple and I slap his back hard, just once, "Excuse me, let me be more polite. May I please ask you on a date?"

Roxas doesn't say anything. He just stares at the table with a weird look on his face. I consider opening my mouth to make a joke but with that look, I think it's best to not. He just said bye-bye-bye to the real world and zoned out into space.

Today seems to be pop culture day. First Family Guy, and now NSYNC. Go figure.

He finally turns and looks at me slowly, eyes cautious. He brushes his hair out of his face, then nods his head once, "Yeah."

"Okay then. How about after school?"

"Umm…yeah."

Suddenly he doesn't seem so sure of himself. What happened to the teasing from earlier? Did I say something wrong? Well, I never say anything wrong. But just in case, I should cover my bases.

"Did I say something to piss you off?"

"Huh? Oh, no!" Roxas shakes his head and waves his hands around wildly like Sora does. Yes, they are twins. Jeez. I lean back to avoid getting hit. Sora usually ends up with a hand half up my nose or something, "No, nothing!"

I grin and stand up, "Okay then. I'll meet you outside the gym at six. 'Kay?"

"O-okay."

I lean down then and kiss him on the cheek, "See ya in class, kiddo."

He blushes as I pull away and bows his head down, avoiding my eyes, "Bye."

Axel: 1.

Roxas: 0.

Sweet!

* * *

I skip lunch. I head straight to my room to pick out an outfit and finish tonight's homework. But mostly just to pick out an outfit. And fix my hair a little, in case I run into him later. Which we will, since we share our last class together. Sora gave me this really strange look in the hallway on my way here, though. I wonder what that was about?

Anyway, I was in too much of a rush to worry about it. I've got to get something great together for my date! Giggity-giggity._ All right._

So maybe I do like him a little bit. I mean, he's a nice guy. And he's so cute and not scary-cute like Sora is. Sora would probably kill me on accident if I didn't pay such close attention to him. That kid is a fucking walking disaster. Jesus.

Crap. One Hail Mary.

So what have I got to wear that's not dirty?

Ah, pants. Let's do something slightly emotastic but not quite 'I wanna cut myself to sleep.' Hmm, tight black pants that ride oh-so-low on my waist it is abso-fucking-lutely emoriffic! And one of Riku's belts- ooh, the pretty red one that he always yells at me for wearing because it was so expensive! He won't mind…

Shirts…shirts…Dammit, where are all my shirts?! What's a good color to wear? Maybe red, to match the belt? Yeah, that'll work because I have my black hoodie to wear with it. But not the regular black hoodie, this one's really nice and clean and not ratty because I only wear it on special occasions. Like today. It's short and not huge on me, and fits perfectly. And it has cute metal pully things on the hood instead of those string ones.

Great, I've got my outfit. Should I like, get him flowers or something later? Well, I don't really have any money for that. But I could pick some. Maybe he would like that?

I think maybe I'm over thinking this whole thing. I mean, it's just one date. But it's our first date! I wish I could talk to Riku. I wish I could make him stop hating me. That would be better. At least then I'd have my best friend back. God, why'd I fuck it up so bad? Why do I always have to open my stupid mouth?

It seems so fucking impossible to keep it shut, ever. Man…

Oh well, I'll do damage control later. Back to class!

I'm late I'm late I'm so fucking late! All I need now is a pocket watch and some freaking bunny ears and I'd be in Alice in Wonderland. I run down the hallway and turn a sharp right then left and slide into class just as the bell rings. Kick ass. I take my usual spot and Roxas looks up at me then quickly back at the computer. He decides to be shy now?

I log in and open up messenger to chat with him:

FlamingGod: hey there  
blueeyes02: hi  
FlamingGod: wut too shy to talk now??  
blueeyes02: no  
FlamingGod: good!!  
blueeyes02: lol ur funny  
FlamingGod: i like to think so  
blueeyes02: so what r we doing on our date?  
FlamingGod: S-E-C-R-E-T got it memorized??  
blueeyes02: if u say so  
FlamingGod: do i get a kiss on our first date??

I look over at Roxas and he's blushing. He isn't typing back a response, just staring at the screen. I look up to see if Ms. Gainsborough's watching – which she's not - then I lean over and slide my hand onto his leg and give it a good squeeze. He yelps and she looks over, shooting me a curious look.

"Axel!" Roxas hisses at me when she looks away, "Don't!"

"Don't what?" I ask with a smirk.

"Do that!"

I shrug and turn my attention back to the computer, "Sure."

blueeyes02: ur horrible axel  
FlamingGod: mm hmm… like i DIDN'T already know that??  
blueeyes02: im just saying  
FlamingGod: you didn't answer the question  
blueeyes02: that is a SECRET  
FlamingGod: ah, yer learning to play the game too  
blueeyes02: what r u talking about? i taught u the game  
FlamingGod: got jokes now??  
blueeyes02: i've got more than jokes for you XD

I can't wait until tonight.

* * *

I found lots of pretty flowers. Blues and pinks and yellows, mostly blues though. Like Roxas' eyes. It's just a few minutes after six. He should be here soon…

It's almost six thirty.

It's after seven.

I sigh and let the flowers hang in my hand. It's almost eight o'clock. He's not coming. I'm not stupid. I should have figured that out an hour ago.

The walk back to my room is long and tiring. I just wanna sleep. I feel like crap. I mean, maybe something happened?

Yeah, right. That'd be getting my hopes up.

I open the door and see Riku sitting at the desk typing away. He turns and looks at me, looks back at the screen, then at me again.

"What're the flowers for?" he asks, a frown on his face, "What's wrong?"

"What, now you're talking to me again?" I ask numbly as I throw the flowers in the trash can. I crash on my bed and bury my head in the pillow. Stupid Roxas. No, stupid me for thinking he'd show up. I was just getting my hopes up too high.

Riku's moving around and then rolls his chair over to me as I pull my head out of the pillow to breathe.

"Yeah, we're talking now. What's wrong?" A solemn look passes over his face as he waits for a response.

"Nothing."

He arches a brow, "Really."

"Yeah."

"I don't believe you. Who're the flowers for?"

"They…were for Roxas."

The look on his face explains everything. He knows exactly what happened. He looks away and at the floor, then back at me. He feels bad, I can tell. I just don't know why yet. But I'm sure I'll find out.

"Why do I have a feeling you know something I don't?"

Riku folds his hands in his lap and sits up straight. Goddammit, Riku, "Axel…"

"What?"

"I think that uh… you should talk to Sora about it."

"Avoiding the question?"

He nods. "Yeah, something like that. He should talk to you, not me," he pauses then smirks, "Because the truth is, I'm kind of enjoying seeing you feel like shit right now. And I won't lie. You fucking deserve it."

Jesus.

Hail Mary.

"You better go do like...fucking eighty, no one hundred Hail Mary's for that!" I shout as I throw the pillow at him, "You're an asshole, Riku!" I get up and storm out, slamming the door behind me.

Jerk.

Fuckface.

God, I hate Riku sometimes.

I head to Sora and Roxas' dorm and knock on the door. Sora answers. "Hi Axel…" he trails off and gives me a funny look.

"Apparently I should talk to you," I say in a low voice. Roxas must be in there. "So can you talk?"

"Uh huh. C'mon."

We walk all the way down the hallway before Sora says anything, "I didn't think he'd get that mad. Like, really mad! Don't hate me Axel!" Sora throws his arms around me and I stand there, my arms raised above him and stare down at that mess of hair.

Why do I get the feeling that I've got a slight conspiracy going on around me?

"What are you talking about?" I ask as he lets go of me, "C'mon Sora, tell me!"

Sora nods his head and looks up at me, big blue eyes pained and filled with sadness. I doubt this is going to be good, "Riku told me. Well, I know he's gay. And he went out with you. Which was why he was so upset the other night. But other than that, he told me that you kinda cheated on him and stuff."

"Oh crap."

"Yeah. And I told Roxas because I had to tell him 'cause he's my brother and he liked you—"

"Liked? As in, past tense?" I cut in. Sora bites his lip, "Jesus, Sora! Why'd you have to tell him? We didn't even get one date!"

How many Hail Mary's am I at now?

Sora wails loudly, "I know! I'm sorry!"

I put my arms around him and pull him in for a hug, "Aww, don't cry, Sora. It's okay, it's okay. Shhh. Oh, c'mon! Just shut up already," I joke. He laughs a little and I let him go, "Okay, so he hates me now?"

"I dunno."

"Well, what do you know?"

"I know that he liked you...and that he hates cheaters...and he was really excited for the date until I told him—"

Oh I am soooo going to kill him.

"Wait, you told him after you found out he was gonna go out on a date with me?! I waited for two hours Sora! I had flowers and everything!" I shout at him in my indoor voice.

Sora clasps his hands over his mouth, eyes wide and shocked, "I-I didn't know!"

"Apparently."

"He...his last boyfriend…" Sora looks at the floor now and kicks the back of his foot against the wall, "His last boyfriend, first and only boyfriend, he cheated on him. And it hurt Roxas, a lot. So he said he would never go out with a guy who cheated before. So ya see, I had to tell him."

Dammit.

"I guess that's why Riku's so amused. Dickhead."

"Huh?"

I shake my head, "Nothing, nothing. I was just- I thought that I might stand a chance with Roxas…" I trail off and sigh.

I guess I was really hoping it'd work. For whatever reason.

"Are you…sad?" Sora grabs my hand and stands next to me, "About Roxas?"

"Yeah, I guess I am. He's not gonna talk to me anymore, is he?"

I already know the answer though.

"Probably not."

"Huh. Well, go figure!" I laugh a little and pull my hand away from Sora, "Well, I'm gonna go to bed then. G'night, Sora!"

And I walk away down the hall to my room, trying not to think about it. Or Riku, which is even harder. I just want all these feelings to go away.

But I'm still thinking about it. And it hurts.

I hate this.

-

I would like to dedicate this to Knit.Pump for beta'ing this for me so I didn't have to XD Thank God for good friends, eh?? Well, hope you enjoyed and more is coming soon so, darling darling readers, please read, enjoy, and review!!


	6. Operation: AkuRoku

**Chapter Six  
**_**Operation: AkuRoku  
**__Riku_

It's been a week and Axel still hasn't brought himself to be… well… _himself. _And at first it was funny, well, in a sick kind of way. But now? I… feel bad. I didn't tell Sora with the specific intention of doing that to him. When I found out Sora was going to tell Roxas I shouldn't have been happy but I was.

It would serve him right. He could learn how it feels to get fucked over like that.

But he hasn't been the same.

He doesn't eat, he doesn't talk, he just sleeps and goes to classes. He sits by himself and listens to his headphones all day and I doubt any of those songs are happy. It's not my fault he did what he did… but I feel so bad now. I was happy, thought it was funny… but it's really not.

Sora and Roxas sit with me, Leon, and Demyx. Axel sits alone in the corner of the cafeteria, if he comes in at all. He looks so thin and Sora always tries to talk to him but he just doesn't care anymore. I didn't know… he liked Roxas that much.

To top it off, Roxas is always giving Axel shit whenever he can. Like, he's really fucking _mean _to him and Sora always tries to get him to stop picking on Axel, but he won't. And Axel just _takes it_ like it's nothing.

What happened to my best friend?

I spend a lot of time with Sora now… which is nice. But all we seem to talk about are Axel and Roxas and how sad it is. He feels so bad, like it's his fault. If he hadn't said anything then none of this would have happened and we'd all be friends. But I have to point out that if Roxas ever found out that Axel cheated that we wouldn't have been able to stop the same thing from happening.

… But it doesn't make me wish that he didn't know.

Even Axel doesn't… _deserve _this. He doesn't deserve to be treated the way Roxas treats him. He's like a ghost now… I barely notice him in the halls. He just blends in; he's lost his spark. And I feel like maybe, just a tad… that it's my fault too.

Why the fuck does that always happen?

Sora waves a hand in front of my face and smiles. "Hey. Are you there?"

I nod and sit up. "Yeah, just thinking."

"About what?"

"Axel."

Sora nods and then a light bulb goes off in his head because he's grinning and he pulls me up off the ground and points toward the school. "I have an idea!"

"This is gonna be _great," _I mumble sarcastically as I try to lie back down. But of course he won't let me and suddenly I'm up and heading toward the dorms. "Jesus Sora, slow _down."_

"We're gonna fix it!"

"Fix what?"

"Axel and Roxas."

"Huh? Why? I thought you said Roxas hated him?"

I say it out of habbit. We both know that's not true.

"Roxas… I heard him the other night. He was crying about it. Kinda talking to himself in his sleep. Because he really liked Axel and he felt bad about being so mean but… maybe he's just scared. He just needs a little push."

"Maybe."

"What about Axel? Does Axel like him? Like, _really _like him?"

I know the truth. It just hurts to think about it sometimes. Knowing he's thinking about someone else… Dammit. I need to stop with that. I'm over that. I'm done with that. I'm so _sick _of thinking like an idiot. Get it together. Get it _together._

"Riku?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He doesn't eat anymore, or talk, or do anything. He's lovesick, I think."

Sora claps his hands together and nods his head triumphantly. "Okay! Then we'll fix it _for _them so that everything's happy again!"

"Fix what?" someone asks from behind. We turn to find Leon and Demyx standing there, slightly amused with Sora obviously. "Well? What're you two trying to fix?"

"Yeah, 'cause Riku doesn't fix stuff," Demyx throws in. I shoot him a dirty look. He grins back.

"Axel and Roxas! We're gonna get 'em together!"

Leon seems interested. "So… did you guys want some help?"

Leon? Offering to help? I'm curious now. "Why do you wanna help?" I ask, arching a brow.

"Because I am tired of seeing him mope around being lovesick over Roxas just 'cause Roxas is being a little baby about one bad relationship," he spits out.

"How… did _you _know?" Sora asks Leon.

He shrugs. "I have my ways."

I'm curious again. "No, really… Only Sora, Roxas, me, and Axel knew about it. How do _you?"_

And then Leon smiles. "My boyfriend told me."

…

…

… Oh good Lord.

He's _gay?!_

I punch Leon hard in the right arm and screech, "You're _gay _and you didn't even _tell me?! _What is _wrong _with you?!"

He chuckles at me and I can hear Sora join in, then Demyx, and soon I'm laughing along with them. "Riku, relax. It just happened over the summer. I met this guy… and I just fell for him. I was talking to him about you guys, and how Sora and Roxas are new… and he knew Roxas."

"Really? So did he go to school with my brother?" Sora asks. Leon nods. "Oh, then he must be a troublemaker too. Roxas's old school was for bad kids." Sora grins and adds, "Really bad kids!"

Leon's smile is amazing. I mean, he doesn't smile too often, but when he does… _wow. _"He likes to cause trouble, yes. He's a senior there, and when he heard Roxas's name… he knew exactly who I was talking about. I mean, it's not like Roxas is a common name or anything. Well, I pieced it all together and talked to Demyx, and since it seems you guys have something already planned…"

"We wanna help," Demyx finishes. "Because Axel's boring when he's lovesick and soccer tryouts are coming up, and we need him for the team. We'll get our asses kicked if he doesn't get out of this slump and make the team."

"But… you don't _play _soccer, Demyx," I point out.

"Yeah? I still _watch _it, and I want bragging rights again this year. I mean, come _on! _He was MVP last year. We _need _him."

I look at Sora and he nods. "Well, okay. But I think Sora's the one who's leading this little coup d'e tat, ladies."

And for some reason…

I'm kind of looking forward to working with Sora on this. He gives me a little half-smile, the kind that best friends give each other, and nods his head. "We'll do it. We can fix it!"

Well… at least we can try.

"Operation AkuRoku is a go!" I hiss into the walkie talkie. There's static for a second, and then I hear Demyx's voice.

"Roger that!"

"Hey Riku?" Sora asks. I arch a brow and turn my head toward him.

"Yeah?"

"What is 'AkuRoku' anyway?"

Oh, yeah. _That. _"Uh, I'm in a Japanese class and I was really bored earlier… and in Japanese Axel is pronounced A-ku-sur and Roxas is Ro-ku-sus so if you put it together…"

"You get AkuRoku?" Sora finishes with a smile. Yep.

"Okay... I've got a visual," Demyx chirps over the walkie talkie. "He's leaving the library…"

I grin. "Is the trap set, Leon?"

Static. "We're a go on the trap."

Sora grins and links arms with me as we wait in the bushes near the dorms. I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks as I try and focus on our mission. Oh for the love of God I can't believe we're really doing this…

_This _would be me and Sora's ridiculous plan to set Roxas and Axel back up The Parent Trap style. Ish. I don't know, something like that. Sora has a thing with twin movies and shows, and I'm pretty sure I've seen every single one from the original Parent Trap to The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. And I _hate _Disney.

"Where's Roxas?" I ask Sora hurriedly. Sora flips open his cell phone and dials quickly, and I can hear the phone ringing. A moment later Roxas answers.

"Hey Sora," he says happily. "What's up?"

"I need you to meet me outside the dorms!" Sora says urgently. "Please hurry!"

"Why, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Roxas asks worriedly.

"Axel's headed your way. He'll be there in three minutes, tops!" Demyx calls over the walkie. I cover it up quickly, hoping Roxas couldn't hear it over Sora's voice.

Sora squeezes my arm harder and pulls me into him. Ooh, another blush. Dammit. What the hell is wrong with me? "It's nothing, just needed to grab a copy of your notes for math is all!"

"Huh? Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you in a minute. I'm on my way."

"'Kay. Bye!" Sora closes his phone and puts it back in his pocket, then gives me a thumbs up.

"We're green for OAR!" I say excitedly into the walkie. Demyx and Leon 'Roger that' and then it's just me and Sora sitting in the bushes… holding arms… really fucking close…

Sora turns toward me and nudges his shoulder into mine. "This is the right thing to do, right? Because they love each other?" he says almost dreamily.

Love? I don't know about that…

I smile uneasily. "Uh, yeah!"

"You don't think they love each other?" he asks, a pout on his face.

"I just don't think you can love someone that easily is all." I pat the top of his head and he grins, then hugs me. I blink a few times, not quite sure why I'm being hugged but I don't push him away.

Because… I never push him away.

"You're a good friend, Riku. Thanks for helping me with this," he whispers into my ear, his breath hot. "I don't know what I'd do without you!"

I'm red as a tomato and it's _not _because of what he said… it's because my pants have suddenly grown much too tight for comfort and I need some air. And space. Space away from this stupid brunet who won't seem to disappear off the face of the planet…

"I've got a visual," Leon says, slightly static-y, over the walkie. I pick mine up and Sora lets go of me as I respond,

"Distance?"

"You've got _maybe _five hundred feet before he reaches the dorms. You better work your magic, Riku. Or else we're _all _doomed," Leon jokes. I roll my eyes and stand up.

"Okay Sora, you know what to do. I'm gonna go over to the side of the building while you catch up with Roxas who should be here any minute…" I catch a glimpse of Roxas's hair and push Sora out of the bushes to run over to his twin.

Time for some action.

… God, I feel like I'm in a bad James Bond movie.

I head through the bushes and tree to the side of the dorms where I know Axel's going to smoke a cigarette. He _always _smokes a cigarette before going into the dorms because I won't let him smoke out the window. In our three years of sharing a dorm, he's never once broken that rule. At least _some _things are still sacred… hah.

Axel lights up his cigarette and I see Sora catch Roxas just out of sight of Axel. Perfect. I army crawl across the grass into the bush just next to the steps that lead to the dorms. Axel's leaning against the railing, cigarette in hand, dazing off as usual. I carefully stick my hands out and tie his always untied laces together, just enough so that he'll fall as soon as he starts walking. Okay… all I need is for Roxas to show up…

The walkie crackles. Shit. I turn the volume down as low as possible and listen to it carefully. "Riku!" someone shouts.

"Yeah, what?" I ask softly.

"Sora's leaving Roxas. You've got ten seconds… I'll count for you!"

"Okay!"

"Nine… eight… seven… six…"

I hope this works. I didn't do all this for nothing…

"Five… four… three… two…"

If there is a God, now is the time to work your fucking magic.

"One!" Leon shouts and I give Axel the lightest shove. Well, kinda light. I see the cigarette go flying in the air and two loud shouts, then two loud thumps.

"OAR is a success! I repeat, _OAR _is a success!" Leon calls into the walkie. "Now get outta there and find some goddamned cover!"

Yeah, right. I wanna _hear _this.

I get a good spot in the bushes so I can see the situation. Axel's groaning as he winces, then opens his eyes. He's laying on top of Roxas, pretty much stradling him, and Roxas appears to be unconscious. Oops, I didn't even think about that. Roxas's books are scattered across the ground and Axel's cigarette is burning away near my bush. Yuck. Cigarette smoke.

"Roxas? Are you _okay?" _he asks worriedly, touching Roxas's face with his hand. Roxas doesn't open his eyes, just mumbles something. "Hey, dude, you okay? You hit your head pretty hard."

I swallow hard. Okay… so _sometimes _it bothers me to see them together. A little.

"What… the fuck…" Roxas mumbles as he opens his eyes. He looks up at Axel, then blushes as he realizes Axel's sitting _on top _of him. He's dumbfound. Good. I think that was the plan.

"Are you okay? I… I don't know what happened…" Axel trails off and I can't see his face but I'm sure he's blushing. In fact, I _know _he's blushing. His hand is still touching Roxas's face as Roxas manages to prop himself up, Axel still on top of him.

Roxas brushes Axel's hand away from his cheek, then touches the back of his head. "Oww… that hurt you dick!"

GODDAMMIT.

"I'm sorry!" Axel apologizes quickly before rolling off Roxas and squatting in front of him. "I'm… I'm really sorry…"

Roxas looks at Axel and his face falters for just a second. Just an itty bitty second, but I see it: he fucking _cares._

OAR: 1.

Roxas: 0.

Sweet.

"It's… okay," Roxas mumbles as he attempts to stand up. Axel does the same but as soon as Roxas is on his feet his eyes close halfway and he's falling… falling… caught! Yes!

Axel holds Roxas up in an awkward hug. "Shit, are you okay?"

"Uh huh…" Roxas mumbles.

"Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?" he asks, eyes worried. This is your chance, you idiot. This is the first time the guy's not yelling at you and me and Sora didn't go through all this for you to _not _take advantage of the guy.

… I just hope Roxas doesn't have any serious brain damage from that fall… He cracked his head pretty good on the pavement.

"What? No… I'm okay." Roxas's eyes close and he leans into Axel. Axel stands there like an idiot, not doing anything. Oh come _on!_

"What'd I miss?" Sora suddenly asks, his arm snaking around me. My eyes fly open and I turn to my right where he's laying in the dirt next to me, leaves stuck in his crazy spikey hair. It's… cute…

"Uh, nothing?" I squeak.

"Oh, really?" His arm remains around me, fingers resting in the small of my back, as we continue to watch the possible romance blossoming before us. Possibly.

Axel runs his long fingers delicately through Roxas's hair. Roxas looks like he's pretty much unconscious. Sora doesn't seem to care, I notice, as I glance at him. He glances back and winks at me.

I need to stop blushing.

"I'm sorry…" Axel whispers before kissing Roxas on the forehead.

Sora gasps and he grabs at my shirt.

"… I'm not dead," Roxas mumbles, opening his eyes. He stands up straight, Axel letting go of him, and shoves his hands into his pockets.

Oh shit.

"I-I… I'm sorry!" he apologizes again.

What's that, like… twenty apologies? It's been five fucking minutes…

"For molesting me?" Roxas mumbles angrily as he glowers at Axel. Goddamnit.

"No," Axel says, standing up for himself. "For fucking _liking you _and letting you fucking treat me like shit even though I haven't done anything to you." He swipes his nose with his thumb and crosses his legs at the ankles, arching a brow.

This… could work.

"Ooh, give in Roxas!" Sora cheers quietly, scooting closer to me. I will not molest you, Sora. Because I do not like you. But _stop fucking touching me._

"I… I don't care. I hate you!" Roxas says defiantly. "I don't want to have anything to do with you."

Axel rolls his eyes. "You know what? _Fine. _I tried, I really did. And I really, _really _do like you… but I'm done. I'm just not gonna care too. You know _why? _Because _I'm _not the one hiding my feelings," he sneers before heading up the steps to the dorms.

Sora nearly bursts into tears. He turns to me, the corners of his eyes damp, and whispers, "I thought it was gonna _work."_

I sigh. "Yeah, me too."

"We… we did everything right…" he whines as he buries his head in my shoulder. Oh _please _stop touching me. Stupid brunet… "I mean, they like each other. Isn't that enough?"

Enough? Absolutely not. "No, not really," I whisper into his ear as I ruffle his hair. "Hey, we gave it our best shot. And it had a cool name."

"Yeah, it did." Sora looks up at me and smiles and I suddenly realize how close he actually is…

He licks his lips and when his smile turns into a grin the corners of his eyes wrinkle up just a little in the cutest way possible and… Shit, I am turning Axel's little love affair into my own. Sora's not my type. Not at all.

"Hey Riku?" Sora asks softly. I blink.

"Huh?"

"Umm…"

"What?"

He blushes and shakes his head a little. "Uh, nothing. Nevermind!"

I…

I thought…

… But Sora's not gay.

A door slams shut and we both turn our attention to the dorm entrance. "And just in case you didn't know," Axel shouts, "I might have cheated on Riku but that never meant I didn't love him!"

Oh.

Crap.

I grit my teeth and dig my hands into the dirt. Sora puts his arm around me and pulls me into him. I _hate _hearing him talk about me, about that. Not now, not again… not ever. Ever!

"If you loved him then why did you _cheat _on him?!" Roxas shouts back.

"This is gonna get ugly," Sora mumbles, talking to himself.

Oh hell yeah, it is.

"Because… because…"

"Because you didn't really care!"

"No!" Axel screams defiantly. "Because I was _scared _that I would hurt him! Because I didn't _want _to ever hurt him and I did anyway and I never… I don't want to hurt him anymore! He's my best friend and I'm _sorry _I hurt him! But you wouldn't ever understand that…"

Roxas chokes back a sob and I finally look up. His hands are balled into fists at his side while his head is turned down, staring at the ground. "Is… he okay?" I ask Sora.

"I… don't know. Maybe I should—"

"If you get up he's going to figure out what we did," I interrupt him, catching his eye. Sora stares at me, then nods and turns back to Roxas and Axel.

Axel storms down the steps then grabs Roxas's face, forcing him to look up. "I fucked up, but I do _not _need you reminding me about it. I live with it every day; all I wanted from _you _was a chance. Obviously one mistake has ruined my entire life, thank you very fucking much. So have a nice day, finding yourself someone who's fucking _perfect," _he spits before letting go of Roxas and turning to head up the steps.

I see a tear roll down Sora's cheek. I feel the same way, watching them fight like that because they're both fucking idiots and won't just admit they like each other. For the love of _God…_

I brush the cheek off Sora's face and sigh. "Dammit."

Shoes slap against the concrete for a few steps and both Sora and I look up. Roxas grabs a hold of Axel's arm, spins him around, and punches him in the face. Axel stumbles back a step, hand clutching his face in shock as his face turns red.

"Holy crap," Sora mutters under his breath.

Holy crap is right.

"W… What the _fuck _was that for?!" Axel shrieks at Roxas. "What the _fuck _did I do? I was fucking _walking away, _you idiot!"

Roxas grabs the collar of Axel's shirt, whispers something, then kisses him. Full on _kisses him_ like in a goddamned movie or something.

Yes, Disney has ruined our school's expectations of love.

"Yes!" Sora exclaims. I slap my hand over his mouth and hope they're too involved to hear.

They are.

Sora licks my hand with his hot little tongue and I pull my hand away quickly. "Eww!" I hiss at him. He simply smiles and I shake my head. "You're gross. My hands have been in the dirt," I inform him.

"I… I don't mind," Sora says very, very quietly.

I… I'm gonna leave that one alone. I am _so _leaving that one alone.

Roxas lets go of Axel and stares at him, his face red. Axel's eyes remain closed for a second before fluttering open and staring at Roxas. "You… weren't kidding," he jokes before grabbing Roxas and kissing him again. When he lets go he presses his cheek against Roxas's and whispers something… but I can't hear. I can make out two words: room, and possibly chain. I think.

Honestly, I don't want to think about it.

"I'm sleeping in your room tonight," I inform Sora. "Because there is _no way _I'm going back to my room."

Sora smiles and nods his head as Roxas and Axel go up the steps together, Axel grabbing Roxas's books first. "Yeah… that'll be okay."

Okay? For you, maybe…

I think that I need a cold shower first.

-

A.N. Okay, so I am going to continue this, but what I've already written isn't going to get any serious overhauls. So excuse any typos or retarded shit like that ^.^ That said, No Reason will also be posted in a few days after a quick once-over, so chapter six of that will be up. As for SASL?? Man, that story makes me want to donkey punch myself. Hopefully, chapter four will get done soon. Hopefully.

Muchos luffs to all my darling readers and reviewers, and those that have been kind enough to help me beta. I could still use some help, especially if you've got a lot of time on your hands. For previews and some of my original work, check my out on LiveJournal as OdoruHiNoKaze.

3


	7. Lovely Lies

**Chapter Seven**_**  
Lovely lies**  
Axel_

Kissing Roxas is like kissing Heaven; I mean, if that were possible. He tastes like strawberries and sugar and Carmex. I don't really like the Carmex part but I can handle it. More than that, he knows how to kiss. I mean, really – he _knows _how to kiss.

I throw his books onto the floor as he kicks the door shut and locks it, then grabs me by my crappily done tie and pulls me toward him. There are no words, which makes it so much easier on me. I am _sick and tired _of words.

Our mouths collide and before I know it we're on my bed, him topping me, kissing and touching and I am _loving every fucking second of it._ He likes to bite and tease, something that's normally my place to do but with him it just feels _right _like it's _okay _for him to be seme.

_Well, _for now.

"Make me a promise," he whispers into my ear before lightly nipping at it.

"Depends on what that is." Even in all the ecstasy the kid puts me in, I'm not that dumb. Don't make promises in the heat of the moment, it always ends in tragedy. And I'm not talking about that Shakespearean tragedy bullshit, I'm talking end-of-the-goddamn-world tragedy.

"Promise you won't lie to me."

Of course it seems like such a simple thing to promise, and I agree. Heat of the moment and all, heaven forbid if I don't agree with him about something I value. Sort of. Enough anyway, which is a bad idea since I obviously am the last person in the world who should be asked to: a. promise anything; and b. not lie.

Ever since Riku… I haven't wanted someone this bad in such a long time.

I feel like a part of me is complete whenever I'm near Roxas, even when he was torturing me. And _oh_, how he tortured me for the last few weeks. Ignoring me, tripping me, making fun of me… everything he could to make me feel fucking _miserable _all because of what? Because I made one mistake three years ago.

Riku.

Shit, I almost forgot. Where _is _he? I don't want him to walk in on this, it's not fair to him. Leave it to me to get a conscience _now._ Plus, it's just rude altogether. I should hang a fucking sock on the doorknob or something…

"Hey." Roxas stops kissing and sits up on me, straddling my waist. He peers down and smirks, then folds himself over me, arms crossed over his chest while he rests his head atop them. "What'cha thinkin' about?"

I am not answering you. Cute as you are, I'm not an idiot. "Uh, nothing."

He seems amused and pulls on one of the spikes in my hair. "It's him, isn't it." Not a question. "I'm sorry… for being so mean to you. I want to explain—"

"I don't want to hear about it," I cut in, surprising myself. And the thing is… I don't. I don't want to hear about his last relationship because if I were him, I wouldn't want to hear about me and Riku. Because….

Well, to be honest… it's still not entirely over.

Because right now, at this very moment, I'm thinking about him. About his smile, and his mouth, and how he used to touch me… and that's wrong. That's so fucking _wrong _it's making me sick.

Oh, shit. I'm gonna be sick.

I push Roxas off of me and grab the trash can by the desk, and throw up. Mostly it's just liquids since I haven't really been eating, but it's fucking _nasty _and I can hear Roxas cringe. At least, I think I can.

I feel a hand on my back and then someone's pulling my hair away from my face. Aww. How sweet. Roxas kisses my temple and rubs my back as I throw up again, tears forming in the corners of my eyes.

This is _so _not sexy. Fucking A.

"You okay?" he asks worriedly as he sits back on his knees. He hands me a tissue from God-knows-where and I wipe my mouth. Eww.

"Uh, yeah. I just don't feel so good right now. Umm, now is probably not the best time for me to molest you…." I laugh a little and grin at him.

He arches a brow. "You… molest _me? _I'm pretty sure it was the other way around." He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

"You wish."

"Do I?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely."

Roxas laughs and it's a nice sound. It's nice to suddenly have the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders and for the first time this month, I don't feel dead. But there's still the issue of Riku, who I will have to tell about Roxas… and then I will have to feel like shit and become his slave so he doesn't hate me.

God, I hope he doesn't hate me.

"You never answered my question," Roxas says, interrupting my thoughts of self-hatred. Oh, yeah. Right.

"What was that?"

"Promise you'll never lie to me," he says, eyes completely serious. "Even though we're not anything right now… I need to know you won't ever lie. I need you to promise me that much."

I nod my head. "I promise I won't lie."

But the truth is….

I always lie.

* * *

As I walk down the hallway with Roxas to grab something to eat, someone grabs my arm and pulls me into a closet. I yelp and realize there's no light. I pull my lighter out of my pocket and flick it open, only to find two aqua eyes glaring at me. "Riku?" I shout.

"Shut _up," _he hisses at me.

"What… what's up?" I ask.

"Are you and Roxas talking?" he asks and there's a undertone in that voice that says he already knows. It's been what… an hour or so since he decided not to hate me? How the _hell _does Riku already know?

Before I can ask he continues, "I'm glad. That he's being nice."

Those words should never leave Riku's mouth. They just sound… fucking _awkward. _"What do you know that I don't?" I ask, arching a brow. Riku grins and smacks the side of my head.

"Wouldn't _you _like to know?"

Yeah, I would actually. Something isn't right… and I _will _find out what the hell is going on. I always do. Even if it means _destroying _Riku. Well, not really _destroy _but something close to that.

"Riku, seriously."

I opt for the serious route. It might get me a few more answers in this situation. I hope.

"Nothing. Actually, I was going to ask if you and Roxas wanted to come eat with me and Sora—"

"What?" I yell. Oops, slight jealously. And… wait, when did he and Sora start hanging out so much? Shit, I've been in a stupor for so long I don't even know what the hell is going on.

How many times have I said hell today? That's probably a fucking Hail Mary. Dammit.

* * *

A.N. So here is another chapter; once again, forgive any typos (although this did get a tiny revamp before posting) and expect more soon!! Thanks to everyone who continues to read and review, and thank you to everyone who has recently requested beta assistance. I won't lie, I get a tiny ego trip every time I get a message ^.^ But seriously, I hope you enjoy and expect to see more chapters coming out soon. Same with my other fics, I am working on posting a chapter of No Reason right now while simultaneously working on Something About Shopping Lists.

~confess~


	8. Lovely Lies Part II

**Chapter Eight**_**  
Lovely Lies**_  
Riku

Right now, at this very moment, I am hating two things: Axel, for staring at me and not eating and fixing me with this horrific look that screams "I will smother you in your sleep the next chance I get if you don't tell me what you know"; and Sora for every tiny touch between us that sends chills sprinting up and down my spine in the worst/best way possible. I can't really focus on one other the other, and it's beginning to drive me mad. Roxas just sits there, next to Axel and across from Sora—who's to my right—and acts like nothing's wrong. Aside from encouraging Axel to attempt to eat some of his chicken noddle soup, the guy hasn't said a word.

I twitch then freeze as Sora's fingers brush against my leg when he turns in toward me to whisper, "Axel looks kind of sick, doesn't he? He's really pale, even for Axel."

Sora has a point, but I'm not about to pry into whatever weird shit him and Roxas might have been up to in _our_ room. Ah, there I go again with my shit jealousy and overactive imagination that normally remains at bay. Sora shoves another piece of pizza down his throat and I think it might be his third or fourth slice, which means he's really just eating because he's nervous and doesn't want to talk.

Poor guy, watching his brother like a hawk and freaking out in that odd little mind of his. It's kind of cute.

And. And I need to quit with that kind of thinking. He is not gay, he was not going to kiss me. That's just absurd. So is talking to myself, and even Axel's curious because his eyebrow is now arched and his spoon's lifted halfway to his mouth but frozen midair.

Wonderful.

"I really need a shower," I blurt and really, really wish I hadn't. Axel's spoon drops into his bowl and splashes soup all over himself and me. His hand just hangs in the air, eyes wide and fixated on me as half a million things run through his head and he and I both know we don't want to talk about it. Or us. Or anything, because it's too awkward and neither of us can handle it at the moment.

"Yeah, I guess you do. You're covered in soup," he notes numbly. He trains his eyes on his sloshy bowl of soup as Roxas cleans him up with a napkin being all motherly and sweet and cute and—ugh, I feel sick. I feel more sick than Axel currently looks.

I grab Sora's hand and stand up, dragging him out of the cafeteria and to his room. Not _my _room, because I'm not welcome for the time being. Or won't be, at least. Nope, this is me time, me and Sora time I guess; it's time away from Axel and Roxas, and time for me to clear my damn head. Which really isn't going to work so well, since now I'm stuck with Sora for the rest of the night.

Shit.

"Riku, what's _wrong with you?" _Sora demands after I make a detour to the bathroom and lock the door behind us. I loom over the sink, hands gripping the edge until my knuckles turn white, and let my head hang. I do not feel good, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be sick. The only plus side of the current situation.

Sora repeats himself, a hint of anger in his voice. "Seriously Riku, what's going on? The plan worked, right? I mean, I guess I didn't think we would run into them on our way to getting dinner but still. They're together! And they're happy, even if Axel _does _look like he's kind of dying."

Dying. Sick. Lovesick, maybe. I know that look, I know him way too well. We were intimate together, we shared everything. That look on Axel's face? That's not for Roxas, and it's not because of Roxas.

"Don't think about it," I whisper to myself but Sora's weirdo hearing catches the words and he's at my side, hand clamped on my wrist as he pulls it away from the sink to make me turn toward him.

"Riku!" he shouts. "Snap out of it!"

I blink, stare at him. Yeah, snap out of it. Axel's not here. I can relax for one night, deal with everything tomorrow. "I'm here, Sora. And you're really loud, yanno."

My brief comedic relief eases Sora's tension and he relaxes just enough to loosen his grip on my wrist but not enough to let me go. "I thought your eyes were going to pop out of your head! Like one of those little crash test dummy dolls—POP!" he divulges, shaking his head and letting that crazy hair bounce all over the place. "Do you want me to grab you a towel and shampoo from my room so you can shower?"

Oh, yeah. The shower part. "Um, sure Sora. I'm gonna go ahead and hop in, you can just leave it hanging outside the shower stall."

Sora releases me and hops off to find a towel while I mosey on over to the showers and ditch the clothes. I don't exactly enjoy reeking of chicken broth. The water hits me and my muscles loosen as steam rises around me. Oh, thank God for hot showers. And for indoor plumbing, and in about ten minutes, for cold showers.

Sora, Sora, Sora. I don't know what to do about you. You're not gay, but you really make me wish you were. Or at least curious. Or anything. But the world's not fair, and I'm not evil so I'll leave you be and we'll just call it a day. A day with a nice, cold shower for an ending.

I hear the bathroom door open and assume it's Sora. "Hey, I'm in the last stall. You can just dump everything on the floor I'll grab it in a sec. Just enjoying not feeling covered in dirt," I quip, soaking my hair completely and closing my eyes. Wow, it feels good.

No response. Maybe it wasn't Sora? Oh, well. I sigh and let the water rain down on me, happy for just a brief moment before the curtain slides open just enough for me to notice the sound and open my eyes.

"...Er." I am actually speechless.

Because apparently God heard my prayers. And God is gay. Very, very gay. And kind. Or he's viciously cruel and this is the worst joke _ever. _

"Can I take a shower with you?" Sora asks feebly, barefoot with a towel wrapped around his waist and a shower caddy of toiletries in his hand. I blink dumbly, naked and dripping wet, just staring at him. I can't think of any appropriate response. Or inappropriate one, for that. This is the kind of shit that would happen to Axel, not me. Because nothing crazy happens in my life, with the exception of Axel.

Sora is not Axel. Axel is not here. Axel is with Sora's twin Roxas, and it's just me... and Sora. And the shower.

Can't forget the shower.

And now I'm wishing the shower was turned to ice cold, Arctic cold, because I have no cover for my growing manhood and I really don't want to explain to Sora about the birds and the bees, or the bees and the bees... or the birds and the birds—whichever one is the gay one, I have no idea. Fuck, this is not cool. It's not like with Roxas where they can scrub each others' backs. I'm _gay, _and he turns me on. Especially standing there all cute in his little blue towel with those big blue eyes looking up at me waiting for an answer.

Oh, shit. I should be saying something.

"Sora, uh, this isn't the best time to... yanno." I shake my head, try and hide the blush and growing boy parts. Think about... girls. And farting. Old girls farting. There ya go, keep your shit in check. You're a man, this shouldn't be difficult. "I'm, yanno, gay Sora. I know you and Roxas—"

"I know you're gay. That doesn't bother me," he points out to me like I'm stupid.

Okay, let's try this another way. "Sora, uh... I'm into guys. So taking a shower with another guy is kind of... _awkward, _okay? It's like awkward for me the way it would be for you if I was a girl. Wouldn't that be weird for you?"

Sora arches a brow, but I can't read a single expression crossing his face. Mostly because he doesn't really have much of any expression. "I don't get it," he says starkly before stepping into the shower and closing the curtain behind him. He drops the caddy to the floor and it sprays water across my ankles.

Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck me. WHO IS RUNNING THIS WORLD?

"Seriously Sora, this is weird for me," I all but plead with him. I can't hide it forever, and at this point I'm just going to have to give in and hope I don't freak him out. I like Sora, not just in that way—so I don't want him to be freaked out by the fact that I'm kind of crushing on him. I mean, I don't want him to _know _that I'm crushing on him. It's my big secret, my big lie for the whole reason I was mean to him to begin with, and why I ignored him and treated him terribly. I didn't want him to know, and here we are in the shower and I'm pretty much screwed. So much for lying. It was working out so well for all of us, anyway.

Sora unties his towel and hangs it outside of the shower. I drop my hands to cover myself and take in one deep, very uncomfortable breath. "Sora," I hiss, "this is not okay. I know we're friends, but we can't take showers together. Got it?"

Those pretty blue eyes just stare up at me, and then a tiny smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. "Riku, it doesn't bother me."

Oh my _God _how dense is this kid? "Sora, I'm gay. Seeing you without clothes is... like a porno for me!" I shout and totally fucking regret it, because that just sounds creepy and insane.

He doesn't freak out, doesn't run away or call me a name or anything like that. He just closes the distance between us, my hands still on my private parts, and wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.

It is the single weirdest moment of my life.

"Sora, are you uh, okay?" I mumble, staying very, very still.

"Yup."

"Are you um, sure? Maybe we should go to the infirmary to make sure you didn't break... your head." Wow, I sound mentally deficient. Great.

Sora smiles into me, I can feel his lips against my chest. "No, my head's not broken." He pulls away, then stands up on his tippy toes and leans in toward me...

"The fuck?" I shout as I sit up.

"You're okay!" Sora shouts, throwing his arms around me. I tense under his arms, unsure of what is going on. My eyes land on Axel and Roxas who are sitting on the opposite side of the hospital bed—hospital? How did I get to the hospital?

Axel looks relieved, but still ill. Roxas is holding his hand tenderly, rubbing his thumb over Axel's knuckles. I feel the need to expel the contents of my stomach, but resist. It would suck to throw up on Sora.

"I thought you were gonna die," Sora whimpers as he latches onto me like the world is ending. I send Axel a mental message about what's going on and he just shakes his head at me and words, "I have no fucking idea, dude."

A nurse pops her head in at that moment and smiles at us, then enters and closes the door behind herself. She's moderately pretty, nothing extraordinary, with mouse brown hair and topaz colored eyes. "You're awake, finally. You took quite a tumble there."

"A tumble? What's going on?"

She nods her head understandingly. "Seems that you slipped in the bathroom and cracked your head pretty good on the tile floor. Lucky your boyfriend-"

"We're not boyfriends," both Sora and I say quickly, but he remains attached to me with his head buried in my chest.

"Oh, well. Anyway, you're lucky your friend here found you quickly and we were able to get you here. A concussion, but nothing life-threatening. You should be good to go tomorrow after the doctor runs a few tests."

Ugh, tests. Hospitals. This doesn't sound like fun. "Okay. Uh, is there any way I could get something to eat while I'm here? I'm kind of starving."

She smiles, nods her head and mentions something about sending a tray of food soon and leaves us in our awkward silence. Sora hangs onto me for dear life and I'm tempted to just pick him up and put him in my lap for all it's worth. I think Roxas and Axel have the same idea because they kind of giggle as they watch Sora's tiny frame clinging to me.

Well then. "So... I went to the bathroom and you came back and I was on the floor?" I ask Sora. He finally lifts his head and I can't help but feel a pang of guilt as he stares up at me with those eyes that haunt each and every one of my dreams. Including my unconscious ones after knocking myself out in a bathroom. Wonderful, just fucking peachy.

"Yeah, you scared me!" he whines as tears well up in his eyes. Oh, great. Please don't cry, Sora. I only hit my head. You've got easy street compared to me right now, ugh. And that dream—it was a dream, right? I think it was. Otherwise... Well. Let's _not_ think about that for now.

I gingerly put my arms around him and hug him quickly. Very quickly, so that they don't pay any attention, even though Axel's probably giving me the stink eye. Ours eyes meet and I can tell by the inquisitive gleam in his eye that there is a very long conversation coming my way later.

Not that he has any right.

And not that I want to care.

… But here I am, Sora nervously fussing over me and rambling on and on and all I can do is maintain an uncomfortably tight-lipped smile as I try to make it _not _obvious that Axel's almost the only thing on my mind. And I hate him for it, and I know Roxas doesn't like it one bit because Sora gets really quiet all of a sudden and it's that twin thing that connects those two so Roxas just fixes me with an uncomfortable glower while Sora damn near whimpers.

Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. "Sora, Roxas, can you guys leave?"

Roxas opens his mouth, closes it, then stands and leaves. He rips his hand away from Axel as he does so, and Sora follows behind like a badly beaten puppy. Axel drags himself up, sighing softly, and comes to the bed. At first I think he's going to sit on the floor but he slides into bed next to me, pulls me into his chest, and whispers, "Don't."

Don't what? I have no idea what I'm doing, or what I want, but I know for sure that I don't want Sora and Roxas here I just want my best friend, and for now I have him. "I really don't know what you mean, Axel." But even as the words exit my mouth... it's a load of bull.

"Is it always going to be like this?" he asks me as he speaks the words into my hair. I tense against his body, against the familiar feel of him and wonder how we got to be this way—so entwined in each others' lives and reprehensibly fickle about... well, about everything. Why can't I just let it go? Why can't I move on? Why him, why _Axel _of all people?

And the pain is there again, that same pang of frustration and guilt and love and hate that I had when he screwed me over the first time; I don't want this, I don't want him. But I need him, and I love him, and it's killing me. It's killing him, because he feels it too and he can't lie about it, as much as he wants to tell me it's not there? It's a lie.

Oh, the lovely lies we tell each other to spare each other.

* * *

**A.N. So, this is awkwardly split up between the last chapter from Axel's POV and this chapter from Riku's POV. To be honest, I accidentally published Chapter 7 without finishing it and realized it so late that I thought I'd just split it up from both their POVs. I think it works out well enough, the questions is: NOW WHAT? Well, the next chapter is in the works, it shouldn't be too terribly long before I get it out. I have the free time to dawdle in finishing all of my stories—yes, I actually intend on finishing almost all of them that are posted. So feel free to read and review, I love the feedback. Let me know if anything sounds off or weird, too. I had to re-read the whole thing just to get back into their characters!**

**Another thing—if you're a fan, and you're a fantastic beta and would like to assist me on these stories—please let me know! I am currently in search of a new beta to read chapters before I post them and I could use all the help I can get. This chapter is going up on pretty much it's first run without a beta to catch my mistakes, but I'm fairly sure I got all the typos out.**

**Much luffs to all of you readers and reviewers, thanks for the support!**

**~confess~**


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